...and counting...

12/25/2004

 
A hatred of faces.
from 10/25/2004

I hate facing the future
I hate facing my fears
I hate facing people
who've caused me trouble
over the years
I hate the faces of strangers
or friends I don't understand
I hate the faces of faceless monsters
that terrorize because they can
because even the faceless
can be looked in the eye
there's no avoiding the hatred
they send to you by signals
I hate facing the dismaldarkness of another day
that holds the possibility
of you looking my way
and winking with your evil eye
that chance alone is enough
to make me cry
and once I cry such tears
that accumulate from these fears
there's no drying my eyes
or proceeding into the years
and this is why I hate you the most
because you bloody me up
and then blame the ghosts
you'd like me to believe
that I am possessed
but the truth of it is you are obsessed
with this power
and you won't let it go
you call down the thunder
and strike up the rain
the drops pour on me
drenching me in hate
I'm eaten away by all I despise
I say you control me
you put the fear in my eyes
I hate you for paralyzing my steps
I can't walk forward
for fear of the depths
I should thank you for caution
and for everything else
I should love you, my father
even if I can't love myself.