...and counting...

5/17/2005

 
Forced Insomnia

eyes burn with late night oil
texas ranger is the background noise
the dog eats something
and the wife looks up from the couch
mom-in-law in room
behind closed door
i think sleep would be good
but refuse
it's tomorrow already
i've been slurping mostly ice
out of what was a watermelon slushi
i've been sleeping so much
that i feel a complete waste
is my wife awake or asleep
does she know she sat up
and looked at me
she'll borrow the mower
and mow the grass in the morning
it's tomorrow already
i'll hide in on account of allergies
and feel even more lazy
than i already do
what a waste i am
i wear my day clothes
with the button up shirt buttoned down
i blink in tiredness
how much longer til i can't even sleep
turning out the lights and the tv
is hard work to me
commercial for thornbirds comes on
i have to go to the bathroom
but i'm lazy
i wonder how much sooner i'll die
because of such neglect
i tried to work on my book tonight
memoirs of the last six years of my life
it all came out trite
and i gave up
yesterday i thought for sure
i could get all the words down
in twelve days or less
but how long if at all
i now think is anyone's guess
is my story worth telling
or worth shelling out ten bucks
good luck
i prayed this evening in an aisle at walmart
told God to restore my heart
and do great things through me that i can't think of
teach me about love
i'm dumb
i should go to bed because
then i could wake donna up and
well she'd sleep better on a bed than sofa
my stomach hurts
i write like this because i read
rosie o'donnell's blog
my butt hurts from the chair
but i don't dare move
not yet
i scratch my head
and glance at this screen
if i sleep will it be deep
will i dream
or will i wake up every hour on the hour
that scares me
and maybe that makes me a coward
my eyes burn
will i ever learn
the last episode of raymond was right on
i always expect too much
like i'd want a series finale to solve my life
it can't, simple as that
life goes on obladioblada
remember the song
two of the beatles are dead
one assassinated
one surge in the head
the ceiling fan sings
can i front a band
or would i be better at stand-up
i should get up
but i'll feel my body ache a little longer
i almost think i need help getting out of the chair
because of how my back hurts at this hour
but she's sleeping so peacefully
i was trying to write my book
and seeing how not interesting it was
if i tell my wife this
she'll tell me it's because i'm a perfectionist
and overly critical of myself
obviously she doesn't know what she's talking about
she moves and i wish she'd say something
suggest we move to where we can rest in peace
my mind, however, will not leave me be
a commercial for JAG comes on
glad to see that show off television
piece of crap
i have a headache
i need to take some medicine
i wouldn't know where that is
we got our interior lights working
our tailgate and new plates on
i call these victories
i want to move in my new house
and be my own man
a good man
for my new wife
and finally to the ease of their minds
we'll sleep on a bed in proper frame
as opposed to on the ground
hallelujah
hear the angels sing
why do people worry themselves sick over every little thing
it kills me
every ache and pain i've complained about before
aches more
and all at once
like angry customers in a dry liquor store
i hate writing crap
because JAG is cancelled
leaving me no employment opportunity
my neck cricks
i make myself sick
i give up
who needs this
forget it