34 Notebooks

...and counting...





Archives:





E-Mail Me

5/10/2009

 
is there a time for truth and a time for lies

posted by Chase at 12:57 AM

 
there's a glimmer of truth in the shimmering artificial light
it is
as simple as this
we have mastered the darkness
as long as
there is
electricity
we have won
at this late hour my eyes have tired
my neck is too weak to hold my skull
the saddest of all sadness is this sad news that i
have forsaken a love, that love which is to write
too long, it has been since i have been here
assuming this position
but in that artificial light, i now see
that where love once lived
a monster has been conceived

posted by Chase at 12:51 AM

4/28/2009

 
a boy never knows
what hour the rooster crows
or if he may expect scrambled eggs for breakfast

posted by Chase at 9:39 PM

5/06/2006

 
hysteria indoors

bright lights of a faithless computer
keep my dear sweet mom
alert for all hours

i've become catotonic
and paralyzed

my body's asleep
but there's a wedge in my eyes

the man who travels
four directions
is split into equal forths

if i were on all fours
i could chew my way
out of this

but resting comfortably as i am
in this hundred year chair

i'm sucked into the light
brightening my hair

power outage
repairs their outrage
over late night writing sprees

spent on penny ante words
but my hair
now even brighter

would light up alaska

this

poem

saves

no one

keeps all up

all

hours

helps no one

sleep better

wakes up the bed wetter

wags a finger

shame shame

the guilt lies on me

instead of a small peace

riots

incited

sherman's ignited

the great fires

of the south

this

poem

will not put it out

i hate to say it.

posted by Chase at 1:58 AM

11/25/2005

 
the world is filled with stories

in the room that i was born in
the old men were telling stories
i put together what i understood
to understand what was before me
i got a loose idea of what i could expect
after having seen some things first hand
i sorely wish they'd been more direct

posted by Chase at 8:58 PM

 
in a funk

i woke up on the right side
wasn't hard to see the bright side
i looked deep into the sunshine
held out my thumb
and hitched a ride

i was taking in the sights
i couldn't remember the nights
that i couldn't sleep

i was completely at ease
like a bag in a breeze
i was ready to take on
and paint the town

then someone hit my blindside
and took me down

now i'm acting a bit crochety
i offer no apology
only cause i don't know when i'll be
back to my old self

i want to be good to you
i know this serves as no excuse
i know i prove
myself to be a child

i just need to be alone
and to stay away from megaphones
because it's hard to watch my tone
when i get in such a funk

with fury i get drunk

i should be locked into a trunk

until i can overcome
this anger hangover

posted by Chase at 2:42 PM

11/24/2005

 
lies

everytime you tell a lie
an honest man dies

tonight
i killed a family of five

i don't know
how anyone around me survives

i was a prize fighter
i never took the dives

but then the rent was late
so i paid the price

when i told them
i'd come clean
they punched me in the eyes

now i no longer try
to be the good guy

single tongue
circumcised

with experience
you get wise

in the ways
of covering tracks

it should come as no surprise
that i would advise
deny, deny, deny
if they try to catch you in a lie

if they question your alibis
you should in turn
read them their rights

because
anytime a person lies
a tiny part of their soul dies

and just as second-hand smoke
eats away the throat

one good lie
makes an honest man
a ghost

until there's nothing
to remember him by

until our hearts bleed dry
of hope

until we're all like frazzled salesman
at the end of our ropes

willing to say

anything

to close the deal

willing even

to believe

the fantasy is real

posted by Chase at 10:56 PM

11/23/2005

 
going to bed earlier every night

aging with disgrace
with distaste
and disdain

tired by afternoon
i lay like a dragon
slain

i don't need a vacation
i just need a long refrain

or get them to transplant
a younger brain

posted by Chase at 11:49 PM

7/09/2005

 
For Cara

when i was young
and you were younger
you were my love
over the summer

when camp ended
i got your number
i called it once
and that was awkward

i had held you
in high regard
then our summer
became like a birthday card

that goes down to the bottom
of a keepsake drawer

i had to read your signature
and i still wasn't sure
just what it was
or even who you were

for a long time
i said it was your fault
but where does fault lie
when state lines cut across

and afterall
we were only seventeen
i couldn't have expected
that you'd run away with me

i had held you
all summer long
and you showed me
that i could be strong

this could never change
not even with a phone call
you can't steal from summer
to afford the fall

when i was young
and you were younger
you were my love
over the summer

and this is how
i will remember

i will hold you
in high regard
i'll hold you by the edges
like a near mint baseball card

yes, this is how
i will remember you
our love was only seasonal
but you proved it could be true

i need to thank you
i should have long ago
thanks for sharing with me summer
and to fall for saying "no"

posted by Chase at 1:39 AM

7/04/2005

 
On The Inside

i can try
and i can get up with the roosters
try to look myself in the mirror
but the reflection will blind
not that i'm divine
in fact
it's quite the opposite
i can try
but i can't live
with myself
the guilt eats away
and the devil takes what's left
i'd rather sleep
but i can never rest
i can try
it's the least i can do
when i'm wide awake
i take the wooden stake
and give all that you can take
it's like with addiction
the first one's free
but the second one imprisons
and theirs no running from the wardens
they'll send you out to do their business
you'll be an oaf
and hold out hope
that if you buddy up
they'll put a cork into your boat
and let you go
maybe you're one of those
try for yourself fellows
but i've tried
and i know
that with the soul i've sold
my big hand's already folded
i can try
to pull a great escape
but i'll be sucked underneath the waves
prove me wrong
if you want to
i'd like you to pull through

posted by Chase at 11:50 PM

6/16/2005

 
wonder what would happen
if i pushed this button
would we die on impact
just like that, all of a sudden
would it open doors
to the mall or to the zoo
if i pushed this button
tell me, what would it do

pandora's box
is sealed with locks
they tell me that it's failsafe
but i can see
the probability
someone would thwart the plan
purposefully
their plan being to get to our nervous system
the missiles fell
but thankfully we missed 'em

is there anything thing
that i could say to turn your check the other way
is there anything thing
that i could say to put a detour in your way
and make you say things
that you would never say

posted by Chase at 2:28 AM

 
since when did you get so smart
when'd you get so cool
when'd you get the answers
that you quested for in school
could you school me how to speed read
maybe that would do the trick for me
if i could read all the books that you've read
i'd be a hit at social parties

someone told me
you never crack a book
i could not believe
so i snuck a look
and what i saw
was you never even pass a thought
in fact, you never study at all
you just admit the first thing to your mind
and the dumb are enthralled
there ought to be a law

instead of crying about the hand i was dealt
i opted to make a fist
i enrolled in law school
and topped the dean's list
i became a legislator
and now we're working on a bill
that will put to death this nonsense
right there on capital hill
for everyone to see
what happens to the idiot
who parades his idiocy

posted by Chase at 2:10 AM

 
it's nearing two o'clock
and i wonder what i got
i ought to be in bed
but i don't get up til night

it's easy to cook up fear
but there's nothing to be scared of here

i'm just fooling myself
thinking they'd pass the time
trying to suck the life
out of my eyes
even ghosts have something more pressing to do
there's nothing that i got
except for you

what makes me scared
could be compared
to that unsettling feeling
that something was left on
and that the house is burning down
but usually this is just a false alarm
there's rarely ever any real harm
just the damage brought on
by worrying too much

if i would just do my chores
and get to bed
then perhaps i could rest my head
but getting from here to there
is harder than you've said

posted by Chase at 1:19 AM

6/14/2005

 
Stairstep Children

step one
welcome home son
you can't walk
so you can't run
in time
you will learn to love
us both

step two
it's time you knew
we've got to bust
the bubble you blew
in time
you will learn we do
what's best for you
and you will love
us both

step three
how could you be
such an ungrateful son
going against the plan
we drew up
you break the hearts
that taught you to love
you will have to live with
killing us both

posted by Chase at 12:29 PM

6/08/2005

 
Line-By-Line

i always wanted one
to conceive i could be funny
to go along with the joke
long enough to maybe see
the punch line
that i drew in the sky line
and even though i'd trip on the old lines
that i was sincere
in my desire
to reel her in and make her my mine
but i would have to love her laugh
because if i got everything i asked
the sound of her laughter wouldn't pass
in the ignorance of youth
i believed it to be truth
that any one and one could make two
and that with both parties' dilligence
this plan would be foolproof
but with age i saw plain as day
that not just anyone could laugh with me
at first it broke my heart
but then it came as a relief
when i realized if i laughed at all
the moment would be brief
and later came a greater epiphany
that left to my comedy
even the surest thing could become tragedy
because i can't draw a perfect line
such a thing is for sure divine
on my own i can't connect her heart to mine
i had to look to the one
who installed my spine
it was by his design
that we give each other laugh lines
i got my one
she just believed that i was funny
she didn't really have to squint to see
that i really did sincerely
want to reel her in
but then i had to learn
that a fish she is not
if she had to be caught
she would have broken the line
skipped goodbyes
and been gone
i'd have been left alone
to eat bait
it would have been God's cruel joke
if my old wishes became my fate
i'm glad he had a better way
i got grace
i could never have dreamed of
such a beatiful face
i love the sound of her laughter
she laughs with me and at me
but i've learned it doesn't matter
we laugh together
it could not get better
now out on our patio chairs
we sit and we stare
deep into that nashville skyline
trying to find that long forgotten punch line
that i strung up there so long ago
we laugh
and the funny thing is
it wasn't even my joke

posted by Chase at 1:05 PM

6/06/2005

 
sitting in an office chair
sitting in my underwear
yesterday i was enthused
now i've gotten scared
what does the future hold for me
i wish that i could just see
and then accept with some kind of ease
i would rather it be set in stone
than be up to me cause i'll get it wrong
and i'd hate to bear that kind of guilt
because i'm really not that strong
i'd prefer to be comfortable
is that really all that criminal
is there a position that's affordable
on ego, mind and back
at this moment i am comfortable
sitting in my underwear
but i fear that this may come to pass
and find me where i am unprepared
i don't want applied pressure
especially not in something i'm not going to stick to
it's a shame to only apply myself to get through
but i've never accomplished much else
people on top of me taking the air i breathe
it would be nice to have the luxury to leave

posted by Chase at 10:52 AM

 
up up up and awake
i've gone without sleep so long
that i've started to shake

i don't want to spend my life floating
i don't want to use my paper noting
observations that i have already noted

i have already floated
it's time for something new
i want to be caged in
like a monkey at the zoo
i think i've got a clue
i'll make a list of things to do

i want to stabilize
because spontaneity is just one of those lies
like that only sell-outs are wearing ties

i want to shake a hand
and mean business
i want to report to home office
and return to my senses

it's way past my bedtime
to make the most of my lifetime
it's necessary i set mine
since my parents never insisted
on a set time

and even though i'd like to
go on about this breakthrough
there's a lot of things i need to do
i have to call it a night
and not sleep through
until tomorrow afternoon

the shaking gets so steady
that it's like ocean
making me ready
to fall right into a brand new dream
in a canoe
on a stream

floating

i don't want to spend my life floating
but i don't want to use my paper noting
admissions that i've already noted

and i've already talked about floating
i don't know why
i'm going on about this anyway
i need to call it a night
or i guess, day

posted by Chase at 2:42 AM

 
i want to dig a hole
and throw myself in
not out of embrarressment
or grief over unconfessed sin
i just want to build my home
and i want to make it sweet
if that made little sense the first time
it won't do any good to repeat
i want to settle
like the leaves down in the dirt
they roll as the wind blows
but their home is still the earth
someday i will coast away
like at first upon my birth
this might come as a shock
but all i want is a pulse
i'll feel good about my purpose
as long as i matter more than mulch
i want to be your blood brother
that will be enough for me
my goals aren't so high
i really only want to be free
and if that gets too expensive
i hope to scrap up the fee
out of sofa cushions
and from the bottom of the sea
there's no price too high
but i'd never trust a man who'd charge for liberty

posted by Chase at 2:22 AM

 
type and backspace and retype and retrace
capture the criminal the one who said he couldn't bear the thought
of your suffering but didn't mean a single thing
every time you dream up a monster it's you
every time you run for cover it's you
the time to face your captor is long overdue
you don't like the way this sounds but you know it's true
truth hurts on some occassions like a banged up knee
that has suffered more than abrasions
you were torn limb for limb
and when they asked you who to blame
you said you couldn't place the name
and that it had been pretty dim
give yourself a hard look and tell me that ain't him
you got a right to resist your own arrest
i was the only witness, well the only one to attest
you can fool the jury but as you should have guessed
you can't fool me
i am like a brother and you are like a friend
but for your own protection i'll have to turn you in
you can hate me if you want to but i hope you'd never want to
because i may be replaceable but there's no replacing you
the time to face your captor is still long overdue
i hope you will

posted by Chase at 2:02 AM

5/24/2005

 
we've come a long way
buddy
you didn't even know my name
i certainly felt strange
but you made me call this place
home
you were a better friend
than i expected to make
and it took less time
than i thought it would take
but then just as quick
you were gone away

posted by Chase at 5:50 PM

5/23/2005

 
A.D.D.

is devotion just a matter of focus
is commitment just a matter of concentration
is faith just a matter of staying the course
even when you can't see the road ahead
will i know before i'm dead
if i blink will you rescue me
if i look away will you put me back in place
because i'm lacking in attention
when my eyes moves
they cause division
and that deficit is increasing
with every breath i breathe in
it's a disorder
i go outside the borders
outlined for me
and find myself in a foreign country
i want to be faithful
i want to go home
but i don't see any road signs
and i find myself alone
if devotion is just a matter of focus
if commitment is just a matter of concentration
if faith is just a matter of staying the course
then i have no choice but despair
but the truth is
he's still there
he can reach me
even through the steel door air
and it's his faithfulness
that will rescue me
and put me back where i need to be

posted by Chase at 7:19 PM

 
top 100 movies... in no order...a list in progress

wizard of oz
buffalo '66
sweet and lowdown
return of the jedi
return of the king
high fidelity
e.t.
say anything
serendipity
memento
the usual suspects
forrest gump
a civil action
the fisher king
l.a. story
s.l.c punk
rounders
good will hunting
clerks
twelve monkeys
this boy's life
titanic
blow
moulin rouge
cheaper by the dozen
cast away
groundhog day
rushmore
the royal tennenbaums
great expectations
waking life
almost famous
dazed and confused
empire records
space cowboys
the perfect storm
the notebook
hannibal
hearts in atlantis
the butterfly effect
finding forrester
finding graceland
finding neverland
sidewalks of new york
she's the one
brothers mcmullen
rocky
vanilla sky
seven
adaptation
matchstick men
magnolia
speed
blown away
13 going on 30
the rainmaker
56
punch drunk love
cool hand luke
smokey and the bandit

posted by Chase at 3:09 AM

5/22/2005

 
old for a young man
too bad that i can't
get some wisdom
beyond the span of my years
i wish for resolution
i pray for answers to the questions
i've been asking
for so long
i guess i don't have enough faith
to see the way
prepared for me

even if it's a hard road to hoe
i would rather see
than have it easy
because my sealed eyes
know that something lies
in front of them
and i'm scared
of what i may walk into
someone's rearranged the room
i try to feel my way around
i take comfort
in the firmness of the ground
i listen close
so to make out every sound
i breathe in and i taste
but the strongest sense i have
is to not make haste
to trust God
to exhibit faith
if i trust and obey
i will not lay to waste
on a need-to-know basis
i will know what steps to take
and when i do not know
i will not break
though i may shake
i will not be loosened
i will still believe
and he will find my footing

posted by Chase at 7:58 PM

5/19/2005

 
if and when
this happens again
i'll kill you
i don't forgive
i don't know how
who needs to let go
when you can just move on
i can live independent of you
you can't make me need you

how'd you like to be
cut off from me
how'd you like to lose
your inheritance
your heritage
is more than a family crest
it's a lot of pride over nothing
who needs alcoholism
who needs your genes

remember the boy of twelve
who cut the cord himself
who hired a man
to try his case
and removed him from their lack of grace
what better way
who needs a family name
not when college can be paid
by being a foster of the state

that kid was a smart kid
i think to do what he did
it's just i'm already too old
and now i find myself attached
to a band of folks
who distort the facts
and never will retract
when it's proven a lie
at this point i think i'll try
to stick it out

if and when
this happens again
i guess killing is a sin
i'll just have to put you in a home
perhaps it's a crime
to leave you alone
but to return neglect
once i'm grown
seems only fair

you say i shouldn't
be embarrassed
you had never been parents
well, i had never been a child
you at least had walked that mile
you expected so much of me
like to know the proper courtesy
to show a person only learning
when you yourself did not display
that you'd ever learned these things

if and when
you pass away
grief will appear on my face
and in my eyes
will lie a trace
of what i feel you shorted me
but i will not hold a grudge
i only wish you'd budge
show your proud
that i'm your son
and that you'd cry if i went on
tears for me
and not just a loved one
like you knew who i was
and like you cared.

posted by Chase at 2:57 PM

5/18/2005

 
orange sky
paints an alibi
tan your skin
when asked
where you've been
you can say
under no weight of guilt
and not be lying

at the beach

i was paler
before
now my complexion
is better
than ever
and i'm not guilty
so set me free

i've been in lock down
i've been locked down
outside
in plain view
in light of everything
i ever knew
stealing freedom's
what you do
it's your thing
so flap those wings

bird girl

won't you go
to the beach with me
i'll feed you bread crumbs
you can fly
and i will run

and we can swim together

love
between a man and a bird
is not the squawking you've heard
i loved her

i was at the beach
she flew out of my reach
and that was that
i didn't want to tell you
because i was embarrassed
and you'd turn your nose for sure

don't give me guilt
i'm not due it
i always wanted to fly
and i admired that in her
she sang me songs
i fed the bird
closer than ever
i had been to you

so i'm sorry
if you don't believe me
but remember this
when my skin is peeling

and do i look like the kind
who'd meet real girls
in high tide
i'd hope you'd know me better

i was at the beach.

posted by Chase at 12:48 PM

 
fire hot and high
time to die
i think i'll lie
in bed and wait this out

nothing on tv
not that there should be
everyone's too busy
with last minute plans

close the shower curtain
make yourself feel clean
nudity and swear words
aren't really that obscene
given time
you'll know what i mean

ugly people get naked all the time
what difference does it make
if they do so on your dime
and dirty words mean so much more
and sure beat silent treatment

big mouth is full
i'm late for school
chewing down a pop tart
what a way to start

i'm getting hungrier
the screen's getting blurrier
i'm failing to register
what you say
are you awake
want some cake?

posted by Chase at 4:03 AM

 
pushed beyond potential
or importance
or hope
pushed to fall from a high place
and crumble
into dust
will i rust
if left out in inclement weather
everyone else does
why wouldn't i
if i fall
will the sky
will i die
will it make me out to lie
i don't know
and i don't need to know
tonight
please don't push me
get your hands off my body
i don't want your grubby fingers
on my chicken tenders
got it
push more and i'll find the floor
and rest there until tomorrow morn
and rest there
until i've escaped all scorn
a sucker is born
every christmas
they're afriad to be sucked into myth
so afraid they turn away
because who needs a cult

posted by Chase at 3:57 AM

 
slowing
the sign says that children
play here
it may sound queer
but you won't find it as weird
given a year
kids play and fight
and stay up all night
i want no part of them
i don't understand
the language they speak
freaks
we excuse their lack of manners
because they've yet to be trained
but they're slowing down our progress
mud pies
everytime it rains
when it drips it floods
and that's no good
be careful on the road
so that you'll make it home
so that you can meet your kids
when they come out
and gather round you
like city park pigeons

posted by Chase at 3:52 AM

 
so tired i cry
tears fill my eye
and i try
to stay awake
but i can't
and i won't fake the funk
this is no slam dunk
i wind down
cuckoo clown
and barely hold my head off the ground
this will make less sense in the morning

posted by Chase at 3:49 AM

 
not a poem, but who cares.

top 100 songs in no order:
lovers in a dangerous time
you never give me your money
best imitation of myself
chelsea
baba o'reilly
fire and rain
oh susannah
freshmen
round here
monkey
amy
call me on your way back home
goodnight hollywood blvd.
long december
superman's song
brick
with or without you
like a rolling stone
michelle post
thunder road
i want to be your boyfriend
secret garden
josephine
walls
padrino
next year
everlong
the lust the flesh the eyes and the pride of life
rail
understanding in a car crash
big big trucks
in between days
friday i'm in love
take it easy
yoshimi battles the pink robots
baby bird
you don't know how it feels
raining in baltimore
he stopped loving her today
yellow
don't panic
the sweetest thing
why does it always rain on me
your redneck past
give judy my notice
ring of fire
the race is on
fly like an eagle
opi rides again/club med sucks
round here
dammit
still haven't found what i'm looking for
where the streets have no name
running to stand still
annie waits
pretty donna
blue
all the right reasons
what led me to this town
where it's at
good riddance
heavy metal drummer
reservations
a shot in the arm
the man in me
most of the time
jehovah made this whole joint for you
i don't wanna die anymore
someday we'll know
lullaby
cryin' like a church on monday
tired of sex
in the garage
dear prudence
i've got a feeling
not even the trees
cut your hair
take the money and run
rock'n me
love divine
kiss
let's stay together
tears in heaven
wonderwall
don't go away
goodnight good guy
hey good lookin'
your cheating heart
for you to notice
bohemian rhapsody
when i fall in love
unforgettable
at last
i believe...
i'll be that girl
i wish i was a girl
light up my room
sloop john b
hey ya
crazy in love
scenes from an italian restaurant
your song
come what may
proud mary
four days
angel
---------------------------------
elvis presley
wilco
pete yorn
sarah mclachlan
the kinks
the who
the beatles
u2
green day
tom petty
springsteen
ryan adams
counting crows
ben folds
weezer
beck
new radicals
nat king cole
ramones
shawn mullins
matthew sweet
travis
smokey robinson et al
beyonce and jay z
the jayhawks
the beach boys
the eagles
elvis costello
stevie wonder
ray charles
marcy playground
todd rundgren
simon and garfunkel
bruce hornsby
barenaked ladies
billy joel
prince
al green
appleseed cast
smalltown poets
switchfoot
jars of clay
james taylor
johnny cash
collective soul
thursday
pedro the lion
the rolling stones
george harrison
huey lewis and the news
steve miller band
dashboard confessional
further seems forever
smashmouth
crashtest dummies
george jones
uncle tupelo
chuch berry
blink 182
alicia keys
modest mouse
coldplay
five for fighting
denison marrs
the clash
sex pistols
hank williams

posted by Chase at 3:12 AM

 
i'm only writing here because word on this computer is broken.-----------------------------------------------------------------
when the music moves
get out
because we'll be through
i'll be through with you
i try to time
my mental breakdowns
to fit into your schedule
just so not to cause
any complications
i'd hate to cramp your style
i'd hate to step on your toes
when a lie retracts
where does it go
i can't believe i said that
not with everyone there
it was so easy to piss off
and pretend i didn't care
who are you to judge me
nobody
not any body
no
i believe in miracles
and the space program
i believe in heaven
and a good leg of lamb
when the music moves
get out
because we'll be through
i'll be through with you
be cautious
of the prices
oh the danger when they rise
be careful
when your falling
like a plane down from the sky
sweep me off my feet
until i can't stand
until i repeat
this message
it's always easier than it looks
it's always easier
once written down in a book
experience would show you that
i'm experienced with nothingness
i could get a darn good reference
if anyone
could care less
if it mattered to them at all
but if it did
they would call
and my phone hasn't sounded

posted by Chase at 3:07 AM

5/17/2005

 
Forced Insomnia

eyes burn with late night oil
texas ranger is the background noise
the dog eats something
and the wife looks up from the couch
mom-in-law in room
behind closed door
i think sleep would be good
but refuse
it's tomorrow already
i've been slurping mostly ice
out of what was a watermelon slushi
i've been sleeping so much
that i feel a complete waste
is my wife awake or asleep
does she know she sat up
and looked at me
she'll borrow the mower
and mow the grass in the morning
it's tomorrow already
i'll hide in on account of allergies
and feel even more lazy
than i already do
what a waste i am
i wear my day clothes
with the button up shirt buttoned down
i blink in tiredness
how much longer til i can't even sleep
turning out the lights and the tv
is hard work to me
commercial for thornbirds comes on
i have to go to the bathroom
but i'm lazy
i wonder how much sooner i'll die
because of such neglect
i tried to work on my book tonight
memoirs of the last six years of my life
it all came out trite
and i gave up
yesterday i thought for sure
i could get all the words down
in twelve days or less
but how long if at all
i now think is anyone's guess
is my story worth telling
or worth shelling out ten bucks
good luck
i prayed this evening in an aisle at walmart
told God to restore my heart
and do great things through me that i can't think of
teach me about love
i'm dumb
i should go to bed because
then i could wake donna up and
well she'd sleep better on a bed than sofa
my stomach hurts
i write like this because i read
rosie o'donnell's blog
my butt hurts from the chair
but i don't dare move
not yet
i scratch my head
and glance at this screen
if i sleep will it be deep
will i dream
or will i wake up every hour on the hour
that scares me
and maybe that makes me a coward
my eyes burn
will i ever learn
the last episode of raymond was right on
i always expect too much
like i'd want a series finale to solve my life
it can't, simple as that
life goes on obladioblada
remember the song
two of the beatles are dead
one assassinated
one surge in the head
the ceiling fan sings
can i front a band
or would i be better at stand-up
i should get up
but i'll feel my body ache a little longer
i almost think i need help getting out of the chair
because of how my back hurts at this hour
but she's sleeping so peacefully
i was trying to write my book
and seeing how not interesting it was
if i tell my wife this
she'll tell me it's because i'm a perfectionist
and overly critical of myself
obviously she doesn't know what she's talking about
she moves and i wish she'd say something
suggest we move to where we can rest in peace
my mind, however, will not leave me be
a commercial for JAG comes on
glad to see that show off television
piece of crap
i have a headache
i need to take some medicine
i wouldn't know where that is
we got our interior lights working
our tailgate and new plates on
i call these victories
i want to move in my new house
and be my own man
a good man
for my new wife
and finally to the ease of their minds
we'll sleep on a bed in proper frame
as opposed to on the ground
hallelujah
hear the angels sing
why do people worry themselves sick over every little thing
it kills me
every ache and pain i've complained about before
aches more
and all at once
like angry customers in a dry liquor store
i hate writing crap
because JAG is cancelled
leaving me no employment opportunity
my neck cricks
i make myself sick
i give up
who needs this
forget it

posted by Chase at 12:16 AM

5/11/2005

 
Wasted Boy

play it cool like you're not out of work
even though they always expect the worst
at least since you skipped that report
the time that you slid by with a "d"
remember how you told your friends
how none of them had compassion
all they had was what they saw
and all they saw was all your flaws
they would testify to how this is all your fault
this mess you're in
that since you were children
you fell short of every assignment
and missed the mark so far as refinement
and never paid your boy scout dues
any idiot could have collected the clues
and closed the case by now
you've lost you're job
what else is new
that's as certain a situation
as the sky is blue
we can't defend such defenseless
there's a point after which no one can
and no longer can we stand for this
there's a few things i've been meaning to tell you
a few points i've been needing to make
every bridge you burn makes you guilty of arson
even if it's for old times sake
you are an absolute dillusion
a matter of confusion
but the facts are clear
you've disappointed everyone here
to the point that no expectations exist
you're potential for disaster is limitless
and it's hopeless

posted by Chase at 3:30 PM

4/19/2005

 
Game Called on Account of Fear

you fall in and out of love
at the drop of a hat
you fall in when she begins your way
and your out just like that
as soon as she turns another direction
you withdraw your affection
lie and say you never loved her
and if you ever loved her
you'll never love her again
as often as you quit you'll never win
one can't be both loser and lover
you're like a self-defeatist
who's gone undercover
as a great romantic
with his heart on his sleeve
you can never win in love
if you refuse to believe
it is better to have loved and lost
but all you've done is lose
you're like an apple
that begs not to be eaten
then complains about a bruise
we can talk about this
but i wonder what's the use
if you're intent to die alone
no one will die with you
love is painful, love is hell
but love is rain fall
and wedding bells
it truly is something wonderful
but if you only quest for perfection
then you'll never know
all the joy between first and last kiss
it's not just to feel beautiful
it is to exist
that is if you feel as strongly as you say
and forfeit without any delay
then you've aborted yourself
and called the game
on account of your fear of pain
but i tell you this
if you avoid what hurts
you'll miss out on what's worth
all the pain in the world
yes you'll survive
but what good is life
if you never feel a thing at all

posted by Chase at 12:00 PM

4/06/2005

 
i was dwindling away
on a nice windy day
the calendar said april
but it felt more like may
and i knew that tomorrow
would exist
and i knew all the sorrow
would remiss
at least on such a day as this
a nice windy day
in the middle of the country
a hundred miles away
and i could smell the beach
the saltwater taste
was on my tongue
i felt myself submerge
i fell in love
and i don't have to pretend
if i just wait on the wind
if i just wait it will begin
and it will carry me
yes, it will send me floating
to the sea
it's hard as dark as it gets
to believe in love
but i believe in it
and sometimes it's hard to see the sun
but i know that it is lit
in the darkest part of night
if i just close my eyes
i will be surprised
how quickly the sunrise
comes to rescue me
if i just close my eyes
i will be suprised
how quickly the breeze
wakes me from the bad dreams
and floats me home
on such a day as this

posted by Chase at 3:13 PM

3/25/2005

 
Fix it or Forget it

from 12/27/2004

i never feel sick til i go to the doctor
i never feel pagan til i head into church
i never feel dirty til i step in the shower
feeling bad never done nobody any good
so i try to stay away
from where i feel the shame
if you hurt my feelings
i'll forget your name
i'll take a different road home from work
to avoid where it hurts
i tell you i will do whatever it takes
i just want to be comfortable
i don't want to know if you're miserable
i just want to feel level
i don't care so much if i really am
if there's a cure for cancer
tell me and i'll take it
but don't tell me
if there's nothing to be done
if i can't help but be a sinner
i mean if that really is my nature
then why slap me on the wrist
and send me on
as far as hygiene goes
i know that soap takes care of
bacterial woes
but maybe there are days
when i just want to skip a step
maybe i can live with that
maybe i can't help but handle it
as for questions without answers
i no longer desire
to pontificate
at this rate i'm not getting anything but older
all i ask is for someone to level with me
maybe i don't have a clean bill of health
maybe i'm not such a good guy
but tell me i can get well
even if that means lying

posted by Chase at 11:00 AM

 
Juxtaposition

from 12/26/2004

rhyming is a lie poets tell themselves
like when people say situations may resolve naturally given time
like protestors protesting war
claiming the world could turn without occassional friction
or like warriors who think war can save us
like when parents tell their children all is well
in a hunky dory bedtime story
i didn't mean to rhyme but i did
and sense it happened so naturally i enjoyed it
ick
i did it again
like a good poet i'll throw up
because we can't just fall for the smooth rhyme
that would be too easy
love has to be more difficult than that
expression requires congress to act
on that note i think i'll shoot myself
time doesn't heal and we all can't get along
we'll always be offkey
and out-of-sync when we try to join in song
further proof that i know what i'm talking about
on paper it's much easier i confess
than where the rubber meets the potholed road
nonetheless if poetry were chemistry
it would not be easy
and we'd blow stuff up
we'd become crumbs
to be swallowed by the birds
that is if poetry were for the mechanics of words
but it's not
somewhere in the blood veins of people's minds
has been injected the longing to find the perfect rhyme
we'll search so desperately for it
the anticipations builds but still
that's no reason to lie

posted by Chase at 10:55 AM

12/25/2004

 
But a pauper of the snow...
from 12/25/2004

got in this morning after a long night's drive
the sun always shines and it burns in my eyes
i'm too cold to feel the shaking anymore
singing a song another guy own's the copyright to
adding my own words to make it new
the cd itself is labelled rock on the shelf
but we all know he sings the blues
who's to say who can sing
and who can carry a tune
the voices i hear tell me no one in this room
"are you awake?" i often wonder
as i lay restless counting commercials
and i ask myself between ads
will the earth shatter like a pane of glass
if i get up for a drink of water
it's hard to say but most likely not
would it matter if it did
wouldn't you just put it back together
as though it were not effected
such a long drawn train of thought
a ticket for which i've never bought
but on which i catch a ride everyday
i'll crack open a beverage
and then the front door
step into the great bleached white twilight
of a city blanketed over in snow
suddenly i can see why everyone is asleep but me
those blankets are quite comfortable
the perfect place to find peace and dream
my eyes are too tired to burn
i'm too cold to feel the shaking anymore
but not too old to learn from my mistakes
i make my bed just as i lose my sight
i freeze solid and relinquish the fight
as the frostbite sets in
my heart thaws and i'm alive again
i hear the song, my late night lullaby
coming through the window
and i contentedly die
to the day


posted by Chase at 11:09 PM

 
To Be A Falling Star
from 11/21/2004

a fine line is drawn
my thoughts are scattered across the lawn
i've got to cut my losses
and get gone
i can see myself in future tense
in the trunk of someone's car
today i should live
like the falling star
that i am

burn bright, all night
this one might be your last

one day in the middle of a sentence
i'll be taken from this
i'll forget what i was going to say
but nevermind i'll be on my way
i can see myself in future tense
leaving the wreckage of a train
as bright as i may burn
death is only a refrain

burn bright, all night
this one might be your last

there's an equation i'm familiar with
all men are mortal
and certainly every woman is
i've made preparations
even picked out a box
tell me, do you know
if i need to carry socks
i can see myself in future tense
at rest as you discuss the events
which transpired
and left me extinguished

burn bright, all night
this one might be your last

a night is coming
which will draw your curtains closed
but with morning darkness goes
and all things are made new
we've received an invitation
i can see myself there
will i see you
join us in tomorrow
when He'll wipe away our sorrow
once and for all
then neither tears nor darkness
will fall again

burn bright, all night
this doesn't have to be the end


posted by Chase at 10:57 PM

 
Drink Memory Gone
from 11/8/2004

A sip
A shot
A glass
A pint
Another
A bottle
A barrell
A brewery where we can play.

I can't remember
what I was going to say

Clarity is leaving me
Fuzzy slippers
names, dates and where's my keys

I must be drunk
to write such a slunk
about the dangers of sipping too much.
who would do such a thing?

I think I had wings
and birds fried deep
but that was then
and drunk is now
so won't you let me go to sleep

I keep it locked away
just in case my alcoholic neighbors
want to have dinner with me someday
I'd hate to miss a chance to share

If it ain't one step it's another
if I'm anonymous
you're my brother
If you can smell it on me
I can pour it on you
and I can drink just as much
as I can pour into a shoe

I can quit anytime I like
but there's really no reason tonight
and I know my rights
besides one never knows
when a party guest will spike
the punch
afterall, it goes great with lunch

the only time that I will stop
is when Jack Daniels
calls the cops
and wouldn't that be hypocritical
his name's on the bottle
that got me into this

that much I can remember
but as for the rest...

I don't know
I have to go
Oh no, it's too late


posted by Chase at 10:57 PM

 
10/27/2004

Never Say I Gave You Nothing
from 10/27/2004

we were fast friends
from the first day of the truce
we made a pacto
ver chips and applejuice
we shook hands
and signed the treaty
there would be peace at any cost
even if that meant me
a good friend stays out of your way
doesn't he
a good friend doesn't object
when it's time for you to leave
he throws no punches
he shows no fury
and when your out of sight
he can't think to worry

i had a good friend
when i was a boy
he and his dad moved to maine
i had a good friend
when i was a boy
he and his dad took a plane
i've never been on one
i've never left the ground
i wouldn't go out to say goodbye
til we discovered their bodies
had been found
mangled by the mountainside
my mother said
this was a fact of life
so i never took a plane ride
because planes crash

we were fast friends
from the day i saw the news
i made that pact
as he was gathered by the crews
i shook my head
and i plead guilty
could i find peace with all i'd lost
even being left with me
a good friend got out of my way
didn't he
the poor friend didn't object
when it was time for him to leave
you threw no punches
you showed no fury
and now that you're out of sight
i can't help but worry
what kind of friend am i
do i only show up
to say goodbye


posted by Chase at 10:43 PM

 
Don't Read Over My Shoulder
from 10/25/2004

When I write
I consider who might read
I don't care if you like it
but I might concede
to the fact that you'd raise hell
if I said what I was really thinking

you don't know
where I publish
or the things I've told friends
but suppose you grew a brain
and googled for hints
you'd get results by searching my name

It wouldn't be fair
to use any of this against me
in argument
that's like going in without a warrant
but you don't play by the rules
and yet you blame me
for making bad deals

Anyone else in the world
it would be okay
but as for you
I'd rather you just go away
stop reading as I write this
it's none of your business

get lost.


posted by Chase at 10:36 PM

 
A hatred of faces.
from 10/25/2004

I hate facing the future
I hate facing my fears
I hate facing people
who've caused me trouble
over the years
I hate the faces of strangers
or friends I don't understand
I hate the faces of faceless monsters
that terrorize because they can
because even the faceless
can be looked in the eye
there's no avoiding the hatred
they send to you by signals
I hate facing the dismaldarkness of another day
that holds the possibility
of you looking my way
and winking with your evil eye
that chance alone is enough
to make me cry
and once I cry such tears
that accumulate from these fears
there's no drying my eyes
or proceeding into the years
and this is why I hate you the most
because you bloody me up
and then blame the ghosts
you'd like me to believe
that I am possessed
but the truth of it is you are obsessed
with this power
and you won't let it go
you call down the thunder
and strike up the rain
the drops pour on me
drenching me in hate
I'm eaten away by all I despise
I say you control me
you put the fear in my eyes
I hate you for paralyzing my steps
I can't walk forward
for fear of the depths
I should thank you for caution
and for everything else
I should love you, my father
even if I can't love myself.


posted by Chase at 10:31 PM

 
O, To Be a Minesweeper!
from 10/8/2004

i sweep the mines
even when my life is on the line
but life is like minesweeper in this respect
there once was a time
i had never swept a single mine
but then the day came that this changed
even then i didn't love the game
because i didn't completely understand it
it blew my mind
yet dumber people got it
i was left aware of my increasing ignorance
then picked up the game again
on a whim out of boredom
and finally it started to click
as i pointed the mouse
and keyed enter
life is like this revelation
but the a-ha moments are much farther between
and the wait can get obscene
even now liking minesweeper
it can get quite redundant
as i find myself acting as a zombie might
hanging my head
needling the dread through loop after loop
the occassional victories
are just thrilling enough to keep me going
but i only really get excited
when i break the high score
and there's always a higher level
i sweep the mines
even when my life is on the line
it's hard to imagine
anyone else hanging in the balance
that is, no one dies
when i hit a live mine.


posted by Chase at 10:26 PM

 
yellow and blue make green
from 10/8/2004

i'm in a ziploc freezer bag
confined and cold
but safe from freezer burn
that is how i am advertised
perhaps it is true
i have been defined
and i don't know
if the definition fits
it's a thing i can't get over
others redefine themselves with spackle
i want renewal to be more than that
as for creativity
i've been creatively calf-tied
i think i did this and forgot
i'm a strange rodeo cowboy like that
this isn't really a poem
but there i go again
being defined
yee-haw.


posted by Chase at 10:24 PM

 
rut
from 10/7/2004

the computer lab is closing
i feel as if i am imposing
but then i had something to say
nevermind
forget it, i forgot it anyway.
call me.


posted by Chase at 10:21 PM

10/27/2004

 
Once Upon The Future

from 9/21/2004

morning shivers move me with delight down the road with fright i can't tell if this is cool enough i can't tell if we're in school or not and you pressure me for answers i don't have i'm responding to the letter that i saw once in the paper she had green eyes and a yellow tapered dress to match i was too afraid to ask at that point in my youth but now as i've grown older i see this is a moment of truth i could hunker down as a coward and hide out in the shower i could find the basement and wait out the storm i could tell myself i need no one i could get a cellular phone i could i would but i won't morning shivers move me with delight i see your reflection in the toaster late at night and i have to wonder if your still dead i have to wonder why you lost your head and if it's ever growing back again tell me o wise one will i ever have children or will i even find a girl to put up with me the future's not a mystery she's just standing there and i can't see i'll carry on like a good wayward son i'll even put an ad on the television i'll try to catch what you've been sneezing i'll try to write what you've been reading but i don't want to make a promise i can't keep i never promised to answer every question you think of in your sleep i could i would but i won't


posted by Chase at 2:59 PM

 
Three Poems from One Bum for the Price of Five Minutes

from 9/20/2004

A Shepherd in Nassau Valley
stuck here can't complain dear i know you mean well when you say how are things in hell but i can't help but to break a sweat i remiss about the lists i've made the ways i've paid to get my road paved the time has come the piper will be paid if not my head then for sure my bed because i'll never rest again i got to be brave i'll never rest easy i got to be quick on my feet if i get your toes i can't say it enough i'm sorry for today and all the past i can't make my day off last can't i just be with you can't i just be yours and need nothing else to do why must something always occupy my time why must salesman always occupy the lines they disconnect the call when you try to reach me at home i always wanted to roam but i've never wanted to go out alone, at least not since you came and brought smiles out of the blue why must i complain i even like the rain and that's good for a change but what we have is just not enough and i have to sell my soul simply to pay it off i want our days to be spent in the same room in the comfort of your arms not apart in a slaves tomb i can't stand to say see you later or catch up with you in a few hours i'll huff and i'll puff and then i'll head into work because at this date and time i got no other option. i don't know how to explain why it is i complain and why perhaps i can't be content yet still i want you to know the depths that missing you goes for me it goes to the low and returns to the peak a single shift moves like a week and to prove that here's something unique my beard grows in six hours what usually takes 7 days if only i could raise up prize eggplants at that kind of pace then i could stay here tend animals and give myself a raise. and that's the kind of thing i could go for. you know, that or counting the grains on the long beach shore. i'm sure there's good wages in that and your mom would be proud when i could afford a raft on which to ride back to the mainland you know, where it occurs to me the whole thing was a work of fiction where i can promptly get in gear to ease the friction that i have caused with my boss and in-laws as i contemplated oxygen addiction. i don't know how to make sense of my ignorance just know that i miss you and am held in suspense like a three-year old waiting with anxiety to go home from the nursery. i just need somebody to sit with me.

Hurricane Party
i came at eight just as i was. i may go now just as i am. i've never been so far in the path as i find myself today but the hurricane is on its way. taking a look at statistical data i believe that my chances are good. that is, to make it through. but we shouldn't spit at death. i just thought i'd take this opportunity to evaluate what living means and the life i've lead this far. for the most part i feel alright but i know what i would change. it's not just that it's easier to say in the-calm-before-the-storm afternoon part of the day. then again i should consider most of the change would only be recognizable past tense. right now i'm just sitting on the back of the couch waiting in suspense. it could be my life or my landlord's. i summon how much damage i could afford and how i could capitalize on carefully placed trees. i've thought about riding this out on the front lawn in a plastic chair. i mean, i've never sat out there for any length of time. this is as good a day as any but is it to be mine?

Greed Like Icebergs
a record store is the one place where it's cool to be a whore. the shady LP salesman hopes we can both make out as bandits, but to him music is a chore. the capital gain is what pumps blood through his veins but he'll make the same claims of fanship. he'll cite off bands as though the components are friends when all he wants is to sell you a ticket. i just wish he'd keep his grubby hands off the records because for every one he touch a career and a movement goes up as simply long since passed hope for glory. so long as there are those who abuse the splendor you'll have to forgive me if i act better than vendors who trade off something pure for something green.


posted by Chase at 2:55 PM

 
The Flop

7/22/2004

hair down to my shoulders
can't get anywhere looking like that
can't afford a haircut
can't see to cut it myself
i guess i'm just down on my luck
the lady wouldn't talk to me
when i asked her to come up
everytime i tell that story
people think they knowwhat i'm driving at
but all i wanted was some tips for blackjack
if i could just win the big one
i could get myself over and out
but as it stands
i lose every hand
i guess luck is dumb to bid on
i guess this long lost son
needs to go home
and stop eating forbidden slop
i wonder if the dude that runs the place
would let me push a mop
cause after i went out
and had a big time
i became a big, big flop
now all i need is a miracle
called "making ends meet"
when i trapsed off to conquer all
i never thought
i'd end up in the street
but i have, here i am
what's a boy to do
i'd go out to apply for jobs
except i don't have any shoes
and we all know
you can't get through the door barefoot
it's becoming easierto ask for help
and even easier to admit i've failed
but much, much harder
to stand on my own two legs
much less walk home on them


posted by Chase at 2:49 PM

 
Cannot Establish Connection

from 7/21/2004

searching the internet for inspiration
so far no good
staring into a cold monitor
watching my breathe puff like smoke
you ever watch a home video
and see a friend or foe staring you down
it's a fascinating phenomena
going eyeball to eyeball through a glass wall
one time i had this friend
he wanted to be a cameraman
he'd look at me through a lens
and ask me to circumspect
i was never sure
what he was getting at
so i just cracked a smile,
laughed and talked about politics
as i was saying
i was here tonight i had logged online
trying to find something to inspire
all i found was an article about a california fire
and it only made me colder.


posted by Chase at 2:44 PM

 
the points don't matter

from 7/21/2004

i've never felt so unaccepted
and i went through ninth grade
my dad told me to punch those guys
mislead, i believed
turning my cheek was a better way
still unsure of my opinion
i hold it in
and i'm much more coward
than i am brave
if i said what i was thinking
you'd fall into your long awaited grave
have you got your tombstone picked out
ms. doc holliday
you like to say "all life is dying"
isn't it about time you lived up to this claim
ma'am i've been minding my p's and q's
while you pretend to have forgotten my name
but when asked"what's wrong with this picture?"
you know exactly who i am
and credit me with the shame
don't forget i am a human being
not just a token in a boardgame
to winyou have been ruthless
and gone against the accepted rules of play
but what will you losein winning?


posted by Chase at 2:40 PM

 
from 7/20/2004

you don't believe in aliens
how come
how can you not
they're all over the place
straight from outer space
call me a theorist
or a co-conspirator
but close encounters have never been closer

there was a nuclear fallout
the papers never told
cause even they didn't know
they talked about election
they talked about choice
missing that the mushroom cloud
had robbed us of our voice
no one even noticed
we voted all the same
even though the candidate had two different names
i talk to them and ask myself
how could i be the only one who gets this
why have i been gifted like cassandra with this curse
to see our signals mixing as the dee-jay drives our hurse

i can see your unborn children
and already i don't like them
they march like martians in perfect lines
a hundred miles back a thousand lifetimes ahead
and they're already dead
but you can't even see
that in unidentified lifts
life is death and that casual sex is assisted suicide
you'll take a free ride anywhere
you don't even ask where you are going
and that's the state of all great nations this apocalyptic morning

buzz off.


posted by Chase at 2:24 PM

 
from 6/19/2004

i don't like when people refer to love as mood
if that were so
i'd fall out of lovewith the changing of my attitude
and if the heart of love changes like the weather
is there ever any point in saying you're together
if a lover is only a fairweather friend
then it cannot be claimed
that this love is made to withstand
until the end
you could say the end is when its over
but what good would that do
there lies in that no promise or hope
that i won't wake up in another mood
if we were left to our own advances
there surely would be no lifelong romances
based upon faithfulness
for the human heart is anything but
if we are to ever know anything about real love
we must ask of God to open wide our eyes
so that we may see beyond the cynicism
and sentiment of the occassions
so that we may see beyond the lies
and the abrasions that we've known thus far
only then can we love with a whole heart
only then can we truly love at all
only then can it rightfully be called love
until then all genders of men
will strive for this splendor
scaling mountains and asking hot dog vendors
and they will document their quests
in prayer, late night conversation and in song
simply because some have unopened eyes
doesn't mark their strivings in vain or as wrong
God implants these concepts of love
deep within our hearts and consciousnesses
and this is how we dream
of what we've never firsthand known
before we were, God was and it is He
who has shown our hearts the hints of all that can be
and that is what it is to love and how people can be free
so please don't refer to love as mood
even if you've yet to see
because if love is based solely on attitude
then our hope could never be.


posted by Chase at 2:17 PM

 
from 5/25/2004

at dusk i get depressed
as the sun goes down
i go blue
is this about seratonin
or the dingy of my shoes
i can't clean
and i can't cook
i'd save your life
if you wrote a book
who are we to name judges
who are we to appoint bestsellers
its criminal the way we read our minds
and hide our truths from one another
like kitchen gadgets
in a drawer or cabinet
like men in swim trunks ashamed of our bodies


posted by Chase at 2:15 PM

 
from 5/25/2004

tomorrow is a metaphor
for better luck next time
your trying to talk to me
i'm trying to eat
i can't get through three bites
for all the words i must speak
your questions have been answered before
but you weren't listening then
just like you aren't hearing me now
you pose complex questions
and then expect i beckon to your every skepticism
you don't need reason with such a great smile
if i point out the obvious
the falsehood of your flawlessness
i am trying simply to be different
that is i prefer to be at odds
if you care for the answers then shut your mouth
no one was asking you nothing no how
i wasn't asking questions
if i were maybe you would have heard, "are you stupid?"
every single day people prove themselves dumb
its easy to be yourself when your soul has gone numb
i say i've lost my apetite
you look at me as if i have no right
no right to be disgusted
with perfection personified
so-called gospel truth is nothing short of daddy lied
your a cork in the water
hoping for a fish
cause if you don't catch a whopper
you will formally complain regarding your wish
you aren't the worst person i've ever met
but give me a break
you're so sure you were in the boat
everyone i know says your in the lake
my final question is
what do you amount to
are you someone who always answers a question with a question?


posted by Chase at 2:07 PM

1/04/2004

 
Madman
from 1/4/2004

If Jesus had a good mind
he wouldn't find no time for me
If Jesus had a good mind
he surely wouldn't come over
to watch tv
(at least not with me.)

If Jesus had a good mind
tell me why would he die
for someone who ain't no good
who only loves a lie

should it be any surprise to me?
Jesus was crazy, Love is lunacy
I don't know what it is to lose one's mind
I'm just a straight shooter
You should ask the God-man Christ.

posted by Chase at 11:22 PM

 
You put the 'n' in my Rock'n'Roll.
from 12/21/2003

for what
for you
forever, for true
for love
for real
fortune I feel
is in your eyes
behind those lush lashes
hide stashes
of bliss
and a certain joy
that is to exist
I've asked why I was living
and now I think I know
plant me down
wherever it is you go
pluck me up before you leave
all growing things need sunlight
I just need you here to breathe
and I will be alright
at ease
fit to please
and ready to rock 'n' roll.

posted by Chase at 11:21 PM

 
welcoming the winter solstice
from 12/7/2003

I’m fading into the sun
this is my oblivion

there’s less and less
of me to go around
cause I’m sinking
in this undertow town

I’m wading into the sea
this is it
I’m history

and more and more
I lose, I’ve found
what goes up
will surely come down

the dumber they are
the longer they fall
I’m one with the winter
spring birds don’t call

some are always to lose
summer’s waiting for you
but not me
it’s not as easy to be
as easy to be free
as it looks
baby I wrote the books

give it time
and your best lines
will fail you
I don’t mean to rob mines
but I got to tell you the truth

winter colors
are all the same
they bleed together
at the close of this day
this night will be the rest of my life

I’m only a boy
you can tell no difference
between my freezing appendages
and my choice

I’m only a boy
lost in the dead winter’s air
I’m losing my life
you can’t help but stare
you wonder
how winter could be
so tragic for me

don’t hang around to see

I’m fading into the sun
this is my oblivion.

posted by Chase at 11:20 PM

 
from 11/7/2003

when i'm not wearing glasses
it's all about the hair
when i'm not wearing hair
it's probably i don't care
but i pray i never lose it
i pray i never lose control
holding everything but my soul
so close, closer than skin
i am a castle and nobody gets in
one day your gonna find me in crumbs

when i am wearing glasses
i probably have no lenses
and even if my vision's perfect
what about the other senses
i think i've lost them all
and to think i thought that i was tall
if you see me looking down
remind me that i'm on the ground
and here i will remain
unless i become nurse for your pain
i don't ever want to leave

i never want to leave you
but i think i'm almost gone
we can only go so far
before we're going it alone
i've kept myself a stranger
but now i want to call you home

i've tied myself down
because i've been afraid to go
these knots are binding me
and i never learned to sew
i know that i can't stay forever
but while i'm here can we walk together
i don't wanna walk alone
mastering the universe
is not as easy as it looks
evetyone who's his own man
is nothing but a crook
please forgive me
for stealing your love just to sell
a life lived like this
is the beginning of hell

posted by Chase at 11:18 PM

 
A Man with Perfect Abs
from 11/3/2003

he speaks in absolutes
he knows no myths
only universal truths
if you speak in gray
he considers it abuse
of the revelations
presented to you

fact doesn't swing in flux
relativity applies only to
things like pick-up trucks
precious metals that can be
bent, broken or crushed
I know this but doubt
that he stands at the crux

of all data and debate
if you've got questions
he'll never relate
if you need answers
lest ye speculate
just ask of him nicely
and he'll set you straight

posted by Chase at 11:16 PM

 
While I was Sleeping
from 10/29/2003

I just woke from a ten year sleep
clutching for a blanket
and somebody to explain this to me
I've never had a beard in my life
now eyeing the mirror I see a disguise
I've never had a girlfriend or wife
but I've got a picture of her
and our family of four
on a table over here by my side
they could've just said that I died
they could've made new friends
who'd understand the lie
but they didn't, they stayed
and I can't figure out why
I know more about items in this room
than those who spent a decade
wishing I'd get well soon
in the picture it appears that I love them
and I think it's clear they love me
the children call me papa
and the woman says, "beh-be"
I don't remember being Spanish
but I suppose that I must be
I spent ten years dreaming technicolor
now I have no real life memories
it's as though I'm a newborn
ecstatic to finally be free
it might seem all I'd know is a dark room
but their love is all that I see

posted by Chase at 11:14 PM

 
"Goodnight Elliot"
from 10/24/2003

your girl has kissed you goodnight
your folks left a message again
your world's a messy haze of light
and it won't stop spinning
you've got the motion sickness
in misery, oh mercy be
let an angel breathe into me
some words of inspiration
I pray you've been set free
you're the kind I couldn't reach out to
but if I could would I have broken through
you sang your songs for me
may an angel lift you up to see
the light that peeked in at you
no more misery, oh let mercy be
goodnight elliot
there is nothing I can do
not a thing that I can say
you've said goodnight
but I got to go on about my day
goodnight elliot, goodnight
this just isn't right.

posted by Chase at 11:13 PM

 
Christmas Song
from 10/14/2003

I'll spend Christmas alone
writing you songs
It's not a big deal
I'll get through it, I will
I promise I'll come out alive
but give or take a couple days
I have you three sixty-five
and If I get my Christmas wish
I'll have you for life.

posted by Chase at 11:11 PM

 
from 10/7/2003

power professed and dressed in red
like the blood of the dead
and the eyes of the dying
life or death,
whichever inhabits the man
can be seen
through the screens of his eyes





posted by Chase at 11:10 PM

 
from 10/7/2003

crystal seas carry her dreams
she's whisked away to an oyster beach
is that out of your reach?
if you believe in the pearls
and in saving the world
you must also believe in ugliness
salt, grain after grain
collecting perfection
perfecting pain
crystal seas wash her away
to the sunbeam dreams
of dreary days.



posted by Chase at 11:08 PM

11/15/2003

 
superheroes and sell-outs
from 9/17/2003

hey mom and pop
your favorite show is on the box
i'll hit the tube
cause the picture's not too clear
i'll don the foil hat
just to watch the atmosphere

i'll be your antennae

hey little brother
just a word of advice
don't buy into anyone
especially if they're nice
when it comes down to it
everyone's a jerk
the mean ones are just honest
about their joy in your hurt

i'll be your antennae
but even i get my signals mixed

in the end everybody sells out
when it comes down to it
it's what they're all about
and they'll tell you
'oh, we're just buying in'
apparently,
allegiance doesn't pay
the same kind of dividends

i'll be your antennae
but then i'll foil all your plans
and i'll probably have your heart for lunch
soon as i get the chance

posted by Chase at 2:03 PM

 
from 9/16/2003

making the move
from the bed to the coffin
shouldn't be that hard

we live most of our lives
longing for shut-eye
what difference is it to depart

we say life is precious
but only long for the bedsheets
to deliver us from the day-to-day

we're just passing the time
til we can say goodnight
looking no one in the face

making the move
from the bed to the coffin
couldn't be too hard

i've put a lot of thought into this
i think we're only afraid of the kiss
cause the sting of death
looks just like a bed to me.

posted by Chase at 2:02 PM

 
t.v. show
from 9/14/2003

i hope my life
i hope my death
i hope myself
that i will amount to more than good television

i want to be
more than an hour on A&E
my life's summation
in the words of an interviewee

i want to be
more than a black shirt memory
the kind of tragedy
where people feel more for me
once i'm dead and buried

i don't want no acclaim
and it won't hurt my feelings
when you've forgotten my name
i can't say if you hate me
that i'll give you any blame

you don't have to like me
or even send your love
just don't make more of me
once i'm below or above

if you've got something to say
i suggest you say it now
just in case
i don't make it back around

we're all too quiet
when it comes to what we think
when eternity expands
it seems our significance does shrink

me and death go way back
from grandfathers i never met
to the man in black

it seems as though
i've been dying all my life
i hope it all adds up to more than strife

i hope my life
i hope my death
i hope myself
that i'll amount to more than good television.

posted by Chase at 2:01 PM

 
from 9/14/2003

three a.m.
and jim is my only friend.
it's indeed getting late
my only friend's not awake
sometimes i shake
my younger brother from sleep
when he speaks to himself
or the ghouls of the deep.

three a.m.
and jim's victim of the trend
that is,
driving off the deep end
before learning to swim.
it's a shame that he drowned
i suppose that he found
the lies that i kept
and those parts of myself
i'd never tell.

three a.m.
and jim's memory suspends.
that is,
i'm becoming james again.
one day we wish upon tomorrow
the next we're living in the past.
one day we're being left
and the next we've been surpassed.
our lives leave us so fast.

my brother worries about me
but what can he do
he looks at me from the top of the sea
but there's just no use.

posted by Chase at 2:01 PM

 
glimpses
from 9/12/2003

i step into my dark bedroom
i unclothe myself
take off the day and my perfume

cause in my dreams
no one remains unimpressed
in the deep sleep
there's just no need
to be knee deep and half dressed

the skin tight cliches
of another life down the drain
could be shed
if the trite would refrain

at night the world
is black enough
so we can see the screen
in the sheerest technicolor

we commence to dream

the darkness is
clearly, just so we can see
so we can say
goodnight to a world
that is all it'll ever be

sleep tight and dream
of the vast regions of heaven
near and far
which wink at us
through the twitching stars

twitterpatted cosmos.

posted by Chase at 1:59 PM

 
from 9/10/2003

i'd like to be an alcoholic
the kinda guy who dismisses all his blues
the kinda sap who never worries
no suit and tie, no shiny shoes

i'd like to be an alcoholic
so's not to care what people think
no endangered reputation
no workin' man blues, just another drink

i'd like to be an alcoholic
so i don't hurt nobody else
it seems i can only do damage
and that i can't even love myself

posted by Chase at 1:58 PM

 
Standing on Stone Tablets
from 9/1/2003
Labor Day beckons me to break a sweat
over reading I haven't done yet.
Hunger beckons me to go out for groceries.
Wal-Mart may be open, but the pharmacy is closed.
I'm glad someone's taking a stand over more
than the shallowness of the color of our clothes.
It's what the fabrics made of
and how easily it fades out,
not the current popular shade of brown.
Goodness goes against the grain.
That's why it's so hard for Clorox to remove the stains.
I realize I got off on a tangent of half-rhyming metaphors.
It's just I see everyone taking stands,
but I'm not sure what they stand for.
Most times, they serve little more than to make our legs tired.
The Red Badge of Courage will not be acquired
if we wear ourselves out fighting the wrong fires.

posted by Chase at 1:57 PM

 
Long Distance Plan
from 6/12/2003

distance embraced
I'll hold your hand by phone

Jesus, I'm sorry
sometimes I'd rather be alone

I admit in metaphor
I would not get by on my own

but I run away
with all the pride and ambition
of a murderer waving red hands
as he flees from prison

when stupid and selfish
are one in the same
I let you be scapegoat
and praise my own name

and in my mind you reside
as just another getaway ride

shame on me.

posted by Chase at 1:55 PM

9/24/2003

 
Easter Bunnies Can’t Lay Eggs.
from 4/20/2003

I say no to drive-by holiday greetings
I say no to distant well wishing
and to quarantined faith

I say no to bows and ribbons
if the gift is just for giving
the moment a little glory

I say no to filling easter baskets
when empty lay his casket
if we can’t bubble overjoyed in that

I say no to christmas pageants
if we know not what his death meant
or think it was a mistake

I say yes to making friends of strangers
I say yes to all the risks and dangers
associated with love.

inspired by Jeff.

posted by Chase at 9:43 AM

 
of basenji and bassett hounds
from 4/18/2003

brown eyed dog barks my sleep to conclude
sometimes a pistol seems the easiest thing to use
but I've never liked to bury a dog
couldn't someone walk him away?

dog barks long enough
everyone goes about their day
my heart goes out to the strays
but I need my sleep.

I've always wondered
where have I gone?
is this my home now?
if not, where shall I roam?
I realize I have also strayed
I'm worse than just a runaway

at my earliest convenience
I assist those who need it
but its never that convenient.
couldn't someone walk me home?

if you get in my way
I may push you down
my time is too precious
I won't wait around

my heart is of ice
but that isn't so rare
the grinch wasn't the only one
who really didn't care

we are always on the run
unsure what we run from
we run from ourselves
we cry out for help
won't someone walk us home?

posted by Chase at 9:41 AM

 
Dreamers don't have eyelids
from 3/28/2003

I want time to slow down...
just for a few days.
I want this weekend to take a year.
I don't mind talking in slow motion.
I just would like a second to catch my breath.
Is that allowed?

I don't want the time to waste it.
I don't want the time to sleep in.
I want to do something great.
For once,
I'd like to tell my dreams when to end.
The thing about dreams...
is that they never allow you to close your eyes.

I don't want a second to pause and wonder.
I want to wonder as I continue to stroll along.
I want to get out of this chair,
well, if this is all I can write.
Who can say redundant?
I can.
I do it all the time.

This is no sense of emotion.
I'm not capturing sensation.
I want to see a rare flower bloom,
even if that last only five seconds.
Those seconds will last years.

Now that I've caught my breath
I think I'll retire for the night
I hope this message
makes sense to me in the morning
I hope it isn't unintelligible jibberish.

posted by Chase at 9:38 AM

 
Liar King
from 3/17/2003

liar king
arrogance rings true
deep inside of you

liar king
I don't like your attitude
why don't you get out of the room?
I'm turning out your light
shut up
prince of darkness
I see you want to fight.

pack your lies
and your things
load into your non-existant car
and drive as far as you can

liar king

now is time for boy to become man
leave your lies and your toys behind
and grow up
I'll give you a hand.

posted by Chase at 9:35 AM

 
...a cop is a cop is a cop...
from 3/4/2003

I'm just a cop out waiting to happen.
I am horrible excuses.
I am a reasonable human being dilluted
to free blood and I won't donate.

you're just a cop out and about
waiting to catch me red handed
for your own guilty pleasure
to prove my guilt
beyond your ability to measure

crime and punishment
are understandable
but we're still playing good cop/bad cop
I never have understood
your innocence fable

but who's counting anyway?

posted by Chase at 9:34 AM

 
Astrology Lesson
from 3/3/2003

So the dark, it passed. I stopped for gas and got chips and a drink while inside. I reflected upon my life in the corner concave glass. Soon after I became a passenger again as always. Back in the car I gazed upon stars that had fallen from my sight night before. I wax astrology. I do so miserably. Who am I pretending to be? Am I a fraud? Am I playing God? I can't even drive. Sometimes the road is clear. Sometimes, but not often and my sight is still near. Sometimes I know who I am. Fleeting moments, I tell you. Sometimes I know I'm just trying to bum a ride. As I said I can't even drive. I try to remember the point I had. Sometimes I dare rely on billboards for direction. God will speak in the smallest things, but silence doesn't disprove my ignorance. The fool is still revealed. We are homeless hearts and heartless homes. I may see gray, but I'm not dismayed enough to see nothing.

posted by Chase at 9:33 AM

 
The Darkness
from 3/2/2003

Darkness drives toward me as in a car I ride. Lights flicker and glimmer in the distant view. The world once weighed so heavily. The world once was the death of me. I died everytime it got dark, and the day was my funeral. I died in cars. I died from fear of death. I died from certain uncertainty. The darkness drives toward me. The intensity increases like a game of chicken. Who will turn away? Not I. I proceed full throttle. I love every minute of this for now I know life. I exists more believably. The darkness is not passing shadows of fear. No longer am I afraid of the dark. The intensity increases like the droning of a funeral dirge. I love every minute more profoundly than the last. Never again will I be afraid of the dark. Never again will I dream of light shed. The darkness may pass, but I'll wait til it comes back. I'll wait. Confident. Relaxed. The darkness has nothing on me. The darker it gets outside the surer I am that there is life. It brings me to a falling staircase. It leads me down a flight of stairs. It leads me to situations hopeless but with complete security that I'll land safely there.

posted by Chase at 9:31 AM

 
Hell, or Something Like It
from 2/24/2003

name and number
message at the tone
drop a line if you find time
a postcard would do fine

x's and o's
the way that it goes
drifting merrily
merrily
merrily
down the deep dark river death.

broken souls drown
again
again
splinter in my skin

see yourself yesterday
catch an eye full of that
see yourself yesterday
reminisce on regret

drifting merrily
merrily
merrily
down the deep dark river death.

bloody water floating
be sure to wave
as the waves take you under again
there's no learning to swim
or to fly.

but you stop to say "hi"
bearing a smile,
and an uncanny resemblance
of my long dead uncle.

posted by Chase at 9:30 AM

 
Midweek Lullaby
from 2/11/2003

out of bed sleepy head
you got a long day ahead of you
pull the shade, face the day
you got to get a jump on things

you were born a year late and 10,000 dollars short
and your debt just doubles with every credit report

now is the time for catching up
but you never will
you want to get on top of things
but your at the bottom of the hill

remove that pillow from your eyes
as the sun you too should rise
get up and out

retirement's an eternity away

posted by Chase at 9:29 AM

 
Writer's Block
from 1/27/2003

I emptied the ocean where I once swam day and night
I splashed and splashed until the ocean was dry

So, like a good surfer boy I began the walk to shore
and I searched for waves, but there were no more

Now there was desert where once had been sea
I only had mirages of fading memories

Each time that I found the slightest pool of water
it absorbed into the sand as the sun grew hotter

Then it seemed that the soil and even my brain
were completely dehydrated, in dire need of rain

And so as time passed it became very clear
that I should be happy with one drop, should it appear

posted by Chase at 9:26 AM

 
Aluminum Man
from 12/8/2002

if you only knew
the consequence of your waste
you'd be filled with vomit
or at least the taste
you build me up buttercup
and make wrath of grapes
but who am I to judge you
I'm just a garbageman slave

posted by Chase at 9:22 AM

12/26/2002

 
The Coliseum
from 12/23/'02

I will resist the urge to tell you the words that have come so naturally
You are lovely and through you I know more what love is and should be
My back breaks and its all I could take if your heart were not in my chest

Crowds in Coliseums share with us their opinions on how or if we should dance
People in parachute pants tell us the future is digitally enhanced
and I wonder if somehow they are wrong, maybe they have been all along

Maybe the news printed from rumor mills is nothing more than lies
maybe the people in situation comedies will go on to successful lives
but if you ask me I think the third world war will take most of the sets

One hot summer day a light year away we’ll recall our frivolous fear of the dark
I never knew that it was dark, never even noticed until he pointed out the stars
but maybe I spent these years denying the gut feeling that left me hungry for hope

Crowds in Coliseums applaud the gladiator’s consumption by flame jumping beasts
He who laughs last laughs hardest and the greatest will be made the least
I’ve never asked for this freedom, no really, I mean it you can have it back

People in parachute pants have many opinions and I’m not sure how they fit in them
Out-of-work actors get caught up with the “wrong crowd” and break every injustice limb
everyone does everything "in the name of love", but selfishness is hatred

I will resist the urge to tell you those words that always come naturally
but don’t expect me not to live like it, though you don’t hear it verbally
I can bite my tongue all day long, but truth can't be subdued by teeth

posted by Chase at 3:02 AM

 
Did I Miss My Exit?
from 12/13/'02

don't pat me on the back
I've been cut too much slack

don't pat me on the back
it ain't that easy to feel better

but I feel better
knowing its not that easy
just to feel good

solid feelings are hard to come by
some say,
feel good you smile
feel bad you cry
oh, the logic of our lives

don't pat me on the back
I've taken a twenty-one year nap

I stubbed my toe
while walking in my sleep
I only cried
cause it hurt me
but now I'm awake

I'm nowhere
It took me this long
to learn how to care
it took me a lifetime
to make it there

I should have asked for directions.

please forgive me for my wasted days
please forgive me for my wasted days
please don't pat me on the back
it's like a slap in the face.

posted by Chase at 3:00 AM

 
same ol' song
from 12/4/'02

I'm afraid I'm still the same
I'm afraid I haven't changed
I'm afraid that years from now
I'll still be this way
I'm afraid I'm a toy
whose batteries are dead
I'm afraid my visions
are neurons in my head.

posted by Chase at 2:58 AM

 
The Well
from 11/18/'02

climb down into the well
and wait for the water
the world outside is hell
just wait for the father
to send his floods down this drain
to raise you above
such fruitless pain

posted by Chase at 2:56 AM

 
Love
from 11/18/'02

love moves boulders off the chest
until itself is firmly pressed
with the same weight and stress
leaving a beautiful impression
and a fossil of a thing that won't die

posted by Chase at 2:55 AM

 
Coward Eye
from 11/13/'02

Be prepared to see the change of hands
shake your feet and lose the dirt from your cleats
this is me we're looking through
this is the changing of shoes
you've got rhythm and blues
in the way you close your mouth
in the way that you get out
taking me with you and leaving me here
fear is darkness
washing over all that's clean
I'm on a mean streak
kicking dirt on the clean freak
with words so dismal
It promotes the dismissal of wisdom
and the admission of guilt
The lampshade is raised
to a sunshine day
the blinds are blades
but we cut through such shame
pierce my coward eye
with this blinding light
that comes in from outside
together we fall
cause all in all
you walk the beat
and I play in the street
hoping you'll arrest me.

posted by Chase at 2:53 AM

 
I Hate When People Talk During The Movie
from 11/9/'02

still.
life is being stirred

silence
the baby hasn't heard

don't move a muscle
and don't say a word
stay out of trouble
move along with the herd

I said silence
don't sweep your dust under my rug
your silent treatment
is better than love

shh...
hold your breathe
and count on it
wish real hard
and chew the bit

shh...
not a word
you can have my shirt
just keep what you heard

posted by Chase at 2:52 AM

 
Historical Society of Two
from 11/8/'02

we've got a history
the clock has ticked
the ground's been slicked
we can't walk two steps in a row
have we gone as far as we can go?
are our steps in circles?
is this a carousel?
have I only been fooled to think I'm seeing the world?
I can't tell me from you
is that because everything's blurred?
you can't just hang up the phone
we've been on too long
I won't disconnect this call
that's the operator's job
but if you should hang up on me
I'll have no choice but believe
it is all history.

posted by Chase at 2:51 AM

 
Daffodils
from 10/22/'02

she found her face in a daffodil
breathing in springtime and wind chimes
and afternoons in the sunlight
she found her face in a daffodil
she'd never found it there before
she felt her heart beat something real
she'd never known it was there before
she never used to like flowers
she used to make snide remarks
but now she's finding herself
exhaling the sparks

love's not mechanical
love is a bull
that runs toward the red flag
to save drowning fools
love is the living proof

she found herself happy for once
she'd never smiled so long and hard
used to her smiles felt forced
and her happy words,rehearsed
but now the dance is hers
she moves about like water
pure and full of grace
her movement is the measurement of this
new life of love
her movement ticks the clock
and turns her eyes above

posted by Chase at 2:49 AM

 

Powered By Blogger TM