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...and counting...
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5/10/2009
is there a time for truth and a time for lies
posted by Chase at 12:57 AM
there's a glimmer of truth in the shimmering artificial light it is as simple as this we have mastered the darkness as long as there is electricity we have won at this late hour my eyes have tired my neck is too weak to hold my skull the saddest of all sadness is this sad news that i have forsaken a love, that love which is to write too long, it has been since i have been here assuming this position but in that artificial light, i now see that where love once lived a monster has been conceived
posted by Chase at 12:51 AM
4/28/2009
a boy never knows what hour the rooster crows or if he may expect scrambled eggs for breakfast
posted by Chase at 9:39 PM
5/06/2006
hysteria indoors
bright lights of a faithless computer keep my dear sweet mom alert for all hours
i've become catotonic and paralyzed
my body's asleep but there's a wedge in my eyes
the man who travels four directions is split into equal forths
if i were on all fours i could chew my way out of this
but resting comfortably as i am in this hundred year chair
i'm sucked into the light brightening my hair
power outage repairs their outrage over late night writing sprees
spent on penny ante words but my hair now even brighter
would light up alaska
this
poem
saves
no one
keeps all up
all
hours
helps no one
sleep better
wakes up the bed wetter
wags a finger
shame shame
the guilt lies on me
instead of a small peace
riots
incited
sherman's ignited
the great fires
of the south
this
poem
will not put it out
i hate to say it.
posted by Chase at 1:58 AM
11/25/2005
the world is filled with stories
in the room that i was born in the old men were telling stories i put together what i understood to understand what was before me i got a loose idea of what i could expect after having seen some things first hand i sorely wish they'd been more direct
posted by Chase at 8:58 PM
in a funk
i woke up on the right side wasn't hard to see the bright side i looked deep into the sunshine held out my thumb and hitched a ride
i was taking in the sights i couldn't remember the nights that i couldn't sleep
i was completely at ease like a bag in a breeze i was ready to take on and paint the town
then someone hit my blindside and took me down
now i'm acting a bit crochety i offer no apology only cause i don't know when i'll be back to my old self
i want to be good to you i know this serves as no excuse i know i prove myself to be a child
i just need to be alone and to stay away from megaphones because it's hard to watch my tone when i get in such a funk
with fury i get drunk
i should be locked into a trunk
until i can overcome this anger hangover
posted by Chase at 2:42 PM
11/24/2005
lies
everytime you tell a lie an honest man dies
tonight i killed a family of five
i don't know how anyone around me survives
i was a prize fighter i never took the dives
but then the rent was late so i paid the price
when i told them i'd come clean they punched me in the eyes
now i no longer try to be the good guy
single tongue circumcised
with experience you get wise
in the ways of covering tracks
it should come as no surprise that i would advise deny, deny, deny if they try to catch you in a lie
if they question your alibis you should in turn read them their rights
because anytime a person lies a tiny part of their soul dies
and just as second-hand smoke eats away the throat
one good lie makes an honest man a ghost
until there's nothing to remember him by
until our hearts bleed dry of hope
until we're all like frazzled salesman at the end of our ropes
willing to say
anything
to close the deal
willing even
to believe
the fantasy is real
posted by Chase at 10:56 PM
11/23/2005
going to bed earlier every night
aging with disgrace with distaste and disdain
tired by afternoon i lay like a dragon slain
i don't need a vacation i just need a long refrain
or get them to transplant a younger brain
posted by Chase at 11:49 PM
7/09/2005
For Cara
when i was young and you were younger you were my love over the summer
when camp ended i got your number i called it once and that was awkward
i had held you in high regard then our summer became like a birthday card
that goes down to the bottom of a keepsake drawer
i had to read your signature and i still wasn't sure just what it was or even who you were
for a long time i said it was your fault but where does fault lie when state lines cut across
and afterall we were only seventeen i couldn't have expected that you'd run away with me
i had held you all summer long and you showed me that i could be strong
this could never change not even with a phone call you can't steal from summer to afford the fall
when i was young and you were younger you were my love over the summer
and this is how i will remember
i will hold you in high regard i'll hold you by the edges like a near mint baseball card
yes, this is how i will remember you our love was only seasonal but you proved it could be true
i need to thank you i should have long ago thanks for sharing with me summer and to fall for saying "no"
posted by Chase at 1:39 AM
7/04/2005
On The Inside
i can try and i can get up with the roosters try to look myself in the mirror but the reflection will blind not that i'm divine in fact it's quite the opposite i can try but i can't live with myself the guilt eats away and the devil takes what's left i'd rather sleep but i can never rest i can try it's the least i can do when i'm wide awake i take the wooden stake and give all that you can take it's like with addiction the first one's free but the second one imprisons and theirs no running from the wardens they'll send you out to do their business you'll be an oaf and hold out hope that if you buddy up they'll put a cork into your boat and let you go maybe you're one of those try for yourself fellows but i've tried and i know that with the soul i've sold my big hand's already folded i can try to pull a great escape but i'll be sucked underneath the waves prove me wrong if you want to i'd like you to pull through
posted by Chase at 11:50 PM
6/16/2005
wonder what would happen if i pushed this button would we die on impact just like that, all of a sudden would it open doors to the mall or to the zoo if i pushed this button tell me, what would it do
pandora's box is sealed with locks they tell me that it's failsafe but i can see the probability someone would thwart the plan purposefully their plan being to get to our nervous system the missiles fell but thankfully we missed 'em
is there anything thing that i could say to turn your check the other way is there anything thing that i could say to put a detour in your way and make you say things that you would never say
posted by Chase at 2:28 AM
since when did you get so smart when'd you get so cool when'd you get the answers that you quested for in school could you school me how to speed read maybe that would do the trick for me if i could read all the books that you've read i'd be a hit at social parties
someone told me you never crack a book i could not believe so i snuck a look and what i saw was you never even pass a thought in fact, you never study at all you just admit the first thing to your mind and the dumb are enthralled there ought to be a law
instead of crying about the hand i was dealt i opted to make a fist i enrolled in law school and topped the dean's list i became a legislator and now we're working on a bill that will put to death this nonsense right there on capital hill for everyone to see what happens to the idiot who parades his idiocy
posted by Chase at 2:10 AM
it's nearing two o'clock and i wonder what i got i ought to be in bed but i don't get up til night
it's easy to cook up fear but there's nothing to be scared of here
i'm just fooling myself thinking they'd pass the time trying to suck the life out of my eyes even ghosts have something more pressing to do there's nothing that i got except for you
what makes me scared could be compared to that unsettling feeling that something was left on and that the house is burning down but usually this is just a false alarm there's rarely ever any real harm just the damage brought on by worrying too much
if i would just do my chores and get to bed then perhaps i could rest my head but getting from here to there is harder than you've said
posted by Chase at 1:19 AM
6/14/2005
Stairstep Children
step one welcome home son you can't walk so you can't run in time you will learn to love us both
step two it's time you knew we've got to bust the bubble you blew in time you will learn we do what's best for you and you will love us both
step three how could you be such an ungrateful son going against the plan we drew up you break the hearts that taught you to love you will have to live with killing us both
posted by Chase at 12:29 PM
6/08/2005
Line-By-Line
i always wanted one to conceive i could be funny to go along with the joke long enough to maybe see the punch line that i drew in the sky line and even though i'd trip on the old lines that i was sincere in my desire to reel her in and make her my mine but i would have to love her laugh because if i got everything i asked the sound of her laughter wouldn't pass in the ignorance of youth i believed it to be truth that any one and one could make two and that with both parties' dilligence this plan would be foolproof but with age i saw plain as day that not just anyone could laugh with me at first it broke my heart but then it came as a relief when i realized if i laughed at all the moment would be brief and later came a greater epiphany that left to my comedy even the surest thing could become tragedy because i can't draw a perfect line such a thing is for sure divine on my own i can't connect her heart to mine i had to look to the one who installed my spine it was by his design that we give each other laugh lines i got my one she just believed that i was funny she didn't really have to squint to see that i really did sincerely want to reel her in but then i had to learn that a fish she is not if she had to be caught she would have broken the line skipped goodbyes and been gone i'd have been left alone to eat bait it would have been God's cruel joke if my old wishes became my fate i'm glad he had a better way i got grace i could never have dreamed of such a beatiful face i love the sound of her laughter she laughs with me and at me but i've learned it doesn't matter we laugh together it could not get better now out on our patio chairs we sit and we stare deep into that nashville skyline trying to find that long forgotten punch line that i strung up there so long ago we laugh and the funny thing is it wasn't even my joke
posted by Chase at 1:05 PM
6/06/2005
sitting in an office chair sitting in my underwear yesterday i was enthused now i've gotten scared what does the future hold for me i wish that i could just see and then accept with some kind of ease i would rather it be set in stone than be up to me cause i'll get it wrong and i'd hate to bear that kind of guilt because i'm really not that strong i'd prefer to be comfortable is that really all that criminal is there a position that's affordable on ego, mind and back at this moment i am comfortable sitting in my underwear but i fear that this may come to pass and find me where i am unprepared i don't want applied pressure especially not in something i'm not going to stick to it's a shame to only apply myself to get through but i've never accomplished much else people on top of me taking the air i breathe it would be nice to have the luxury to leave
posted by Chase at 10:52 AM
up up up and awake i've gone without sleep so long that i've started to shake
i don't want to spend my life floating i don't want to use my paper noting observations that i have already noted
i have already floated it's time for something new i want to be caged in like a monkey at the zoo i think i've got a clue i'll make a list of things to do
i want to stabilize because spontaneity is just one of those lies like that only sell-outs are wearing ties
i want to shake a hand and mean business i want to report to home office and return to my senses
it's way past my bedtime to make the most of my lifetime it's necessary i set mine since my parents never insisted on a set time
and even though i'd like to go on about this breakthrough there's a lot of things i need to do i have to call it a night and not sleep through until tomorrow afternoon
the shaking gets so steady that it's like ocean making me ready to fall right into a brand new dream in a canoe on a stream
floating
i don't want to spend my life floating but i don't want to use my paper noting admissions that i've already noted
and i've already talked about floating i don't know why i'm going on about this anyway i need to call it a night or i guess, day
posted by Chase at 2:42 AM
i want to dig a hole and throw myself in not out of embrarressment or grief over unconfessed sin i just want to build my home and i want to make it sweet if that made little sense the first time it won't do any good to repeat i want to settle like the leaves down in the dirt they roll as the wind blows but their home is still the earth someday i will coast away like at first upon my birth this might come as a shock but all i want is a pulse i'll feel good about my purpose as long as i matter more than mulch i want to be your blood brother that will be enough for me my goals aren't so high i really only want to be free and if that gets too expensive i hope to scrap up the fee out of sofa cushions and from the bottom of the sea there's no price too high but i'd never trust a man who'd charge for liberty
posted by Chase at 2:22 AM
type and backspace and retype and retrace capture the criminal the one who said he couldn't bear the thought of your suffering but didn't mean a single thing every time you dream up a monster it's you every time you run for cover it's you the time to face your captor is long overdue you don't like the way this sounds but you know it's true truth hurts on some occassions like a banged up knee that has suffered more than abrasions you were torn limb for limb and when they asked you who to blame you said you couldn't place the name and that it had been pretty dim give yourself a hard look and tell me that ain't him you got a right to resist your own arrest i was the only witness, well the only one to attest you can fool the jury but as you should have guessed you can't fool me i am like a brother and you are like a friend but for your own protection i'll have to turn you in you can hate me if you want to but i hope you'd never want to because i may be replaceable but there's no replacing you the time to face your captor is still long overdue i hope you will
posted by Chase at 2:02 AM
5/24/2005
we've come a long way buddy you didn't even know my name i certainly felt strange but you made me call this place home you were a better friend than i expected to make and it took less time than i thought it would take but then just as quick you were gone away
posted by Chase at 5:50 PM
5/23/2005
A.D.D.
is devotion just a matter of focus is commitment just a matter of concentration is faith just a matter of staying the course even when you can't see the road ahead will i know before i'm dead if i blink will you rescue me if i look away will you put me back in place because i'm lacking in attention when my eyes moves they cause division and that deficit is increasing with every breath i breathe in it's a disorder i go outside the borders outlined for me and find myself in a foreign country i want to be faithful i want to go home but i don't see any road signs and i find myself alone if devotion is just a matter of focus if commitment is just a matter of concentration if faith is just a matter of staying the course then i have no choice but despair but the truth is he's still there he can reach me even through the steel door air and it's his faithfulness that will rescue me and put me back where i need to be
posted by Chase at 7:19 PM
top 100 movies... in no order...a list in progress
wizard of oz buffalo '66 sweet and lowdown return of the jedi return of the king high fidelity e.t. say anything serendipity memento the usual suspects forrest gump a civil action the fisher king l.a. story s.l.c punk rounders good will hunting clerks twelve monkeys this boy's life titanic blow moulin rouge cheaper by the dozen cast away groundhog day rushmore the royal tennenbaums great expectations waking life almost famous dazed and confused empire records space cowboys the perfect storm the notebook hannibal hearts in atlantis the butterfly effect finding forrester finding graceland finding neverland sidewalks of new york she's the one brothers mcmullen rocky vanilla sky seven adaptation matchstick men magnolia speed blown away 13 going on 30 the rainmaker 56 punch drunk love cool hand luke smokey and the bandit
posted by Chase at 3:09 AM
5/22/2005
old for a young man too bad that i can't get some wisdom beyond the span of my years i wish for resolution i pray for answers to the questions i've been asking for so long i guess i don't have enough faith to see the way prepared for me
even if it's a hard road to hoe i would rather see than have it easy because my sealed eyes know that something lies in front of them and i'm scared of what i may walk into someone's rearranged the room i try to feel my way around i take comfort in the firmness of the ground i listen close so to make out every sound i breathe in and i taste but the strongest sense i have is to not make haste to trust God to exhibit faith if i trust and obey i will not lay to waste on a need-to-know basis i will know what steps to take and when i do not know i will not break though i may shake i will not be loosened i will still believe and he will find my footing
posted by Chase at 7:58 PM
5/19/2005
if and when this happens again i'll kill you i don't forgive i don't know how who needs to let go when you can just move on i can live independent of you you can't make me need you
how'd you like to be cut off from me how'd you like to lose your inheritance your heritage is more than a family crest it's a lot of pride over nothing who needs alcoholism who needs your genes
remember the boy of twelve who cut the cord himself who hired a man to try his case and removed him from their lack of grace what better way who needs a family name not when college can be paid by being a foster of the state
that kid was a smart kid i think to do what he did it's just i'm already too old and now i find myself attached to a band of folks who distort the facts and never will retract when it's proven a lie at this point i think i'll try to stick it out
if and when this happens again i guess killing is a sin i'll just have to put you in a home perhaps it's a crime to leave you alone but to return neglect once i'm grown seems only fair
you say i shouldn't be embarrassed you had never been parents well, i had never been a child you at least had walked that mile you expected so much of me like to know the proper courtesy to show a person only learning when you yourself did not display that you'd ever learned these things
if and when you pass away grief will appear on my face and in my eyes will lie a trace of what i feel you shorted me but i will not hold a grudge i only wish you'd budge show your proud that i'm your son and that you'd cry if i went on tears for me and not just a loved one like you knew who i was and like you cared.
posted by Chase at 2:57 PM
5/18/2005
orange sky paints an alibi tan your skin when asked where you've been you can say under no weight of guilt and not be lying
at the beach
i was paler before now my complexion is better than ever and i'm not guilty so set me free
i've been in lock down i've been locked down outside in plain view in light of everything i ever knew stealing freedom's what you do it's your thing so flap those wings
bird girl
won't you go to the beach with me i'll feed you bread crumbs you can fly and i will run
and we can swim together
love between a man and a bird is not the squawking you've heard i loved her
i was at the beach she flew out of my reach and that was that i didn't want to tell you because i was embarrassed and you'd turn your nose for sure
don't give me guilt i'm not due it i always wanted to fly and i admired that in her she sang me songs i fed the bird closer than ever i had been to you
so i'm sorry if you don't believe me but remember this when my skin is peeling
and do i look like the kind who'd meet real girls in high tide i'd hope you'd know me better
i was at the beach.
posted by Chase at 12:48 PM
fire hot and high time to die i think i'll lie in bed and wait this out
nothing on tv not that there should be everyone's too busy with last minute plans
close the shower curtain make yourself feel clean nudity and swear words aren't really that obscene given time you'll know what i mean
ugly people get naked all the time what difference does it make if they do so on your dime and dirty words mean so much more and sure beat silent treatment
big mouth is full i'm late for school chewing down a pop tart what a way to start
i'm getting hungrier the screen's getting blurrier i'm failing to register what you say are you awake want some cake?
posted by Chase at 4:03 AM
pushed beyond potential or importance or hope pushed to fall from a high place and crumble into dust will i rust if left out in inclement weather everyone else does why wouldn't i if i fall will the sky will i die will it make me out to lie i don't know and i don't need to know tonight please don't push me get your hands off my body i don't want your grubby fingers on my chicken tenders got it push more and i'll find the floor and rest there until tomorrow morn and rest there until i've escaped all scorn a sucker is born every christmas they're afriad to be sucked into myth so afraid they turn away because who needs a cult
posted by Chase at 3:57 AM
slowing the sign says that children play here it may sound queer but you won't find it as weird given a year kids play and fight and stay up all night i want no part of them i don't understand the language they speak freaks we excuse their lack of manners because they've yet to be trained but they're slowing down our progress mud pies everytime it rains when it drips it floods and that's no good be careful on the road so that you'll make it home so that you can meet your kids when they come out and gather round you like city park pigeons
posted by Chase at 3:52 AM
so tired i cry tears fill my eye and i try to stay awake but i can't and i won't fake the funk this is no slam dunk i wind down cuckoo clown and barely hold my head off the ground this will make less sense in the morning
posted by Chase at 3:49 AM
not a poem, but who cares.
top 100 songs in no order: lovers in a dangerous time you never give me your money best imitation of myself chelsea baba o'reilly fire and rain oh susannah freshmen round here monkey amy call me on your way back home goodnight hollywood blvd. long december superman's song brick with or without you like a rolling stone michelle post thunder road i want to be your boyfriend secret garden josephine walls padrino next year everlong the lust the flesh the eyes and the pride of life rail understanding in a car crash big big trucks in between days friday i'm in love take it easy yoshimi battles the pink robots baby bird you don't know how it feels raining in baltimore he stopped loving her today yellow don't panic the sweetest thing why does it always rain on me your redneck past give judy my notice ring of fire the race is on fly like an eagle opi rides again/club med sucks round here dammit still haven't found what i'm looking for where the streets have no name running to stand still annie waits pretty donna blue all the right reasons what led me to this town where it's at good riddance heavy metal drummer reservations a shot in the arm the man in me most of the time jehovah made this whole joint for you i don't wanna die anymore someday we'll know lullaby cryin' like a church on monday tired of sex in the garage dear prudence i've got a feeling not even the trees cut your hair take the money and run rock'n me love divine kiss let's stay together tears in heaven wonderwall don't go away goodnight good guy hey good lookin' your cheating heart for you to notice bohemian rhapsody when i fall in love unforgettable at last i believe... i'll be that girl i wish i was a girl light up my room sloop john b hey ya crazy in love scenes from an italian restaurant your song come what may proud mary four days angel --------------------------------- elvis presley wilco pete yorn sarah mclachlan the kinks the who the beatles u2 green day tom petty springsteen ryan adams counting crows ben folds weezer beck new radicals nat king cole ramones shawn mullins matthew sweet travis smokey robinson et al beyonce and jay z the jayhawks the beach boys the eagles elvis costello stevie wonder ray charles marcy playground todd rundgren simon and garfunkel bruce hornsby barenaked ladies billy joel prince al green appleseed cast smalltown poets switchfoot jars of clay james taylor johnny cash collective soul thursday pedro the lion the rolling stones george harrison huey lewis and the news steve miller band dashboard confessional further seems forever smashmouth crashtest dummies george jones uncle tupelo chuch berry blink 182 alicia keys modest mouse coldplay five for fighting denison marrs the clash sex pistols hank williams
posted by Chase at 3:12 AM
i'm only writing here because word on this computer is broken.----------------------------------------------------------------- when the music moves get out because we'll be through i'll be through with you i try to time my mental breakdowns to fit into your schedule just so not to cause any complications i'd hate to cramp your style i'd hate to step on your toes when a lie retracts where does it go i can't believe i said that not with everyone there it was so easy to piss off and pretend i didn't care who are you to judge me nobody not any body no i believe in miracles and the space program i believe in heaven and a good leg of lamb when the music moves get out because we'll be through i'll be through with you be cautious of the prices oh the danger when they rise be careful when your falling like a plane down from the sky sweep me off my feet until i can't stand until i repeat this message it's always easier than it looks it's always easier once written down in a book experience would show you that i'm experienced with nothingness i could get a darn good reference if anyone could care less if it mattered to them at all but if it did they would call and my phone hasn't sounded
posted by Chase at 3:07 AM
5/17/2005
Forced Insomnia
eyes burn with late night oil texas ranger is the background noise the dog eats something and the wife looks up from the couch mom-in-law in room behind closed door i think sleep would be good but refuse it's tomorrow already i've been slurping mostly ice out of what was a watermelon slushi i've been sleeping so much that i feel a complete waste is my wife awake or asleep does she know she sat up and looked at me she'll borrow the mower and mow the grass in the morning it's tomorrow already i'll hide in on account of allergies and feel even more lazy than i already do what a waste i am i wear my day clothes with the button up shirt buttoned down i blink in tiredness how much longer til i can't even sleep turning out the lights and the tv is hard work to me commercial for thornbirds comes on i have to go to the bathroom but i'm lazy i wonder how much sooner i'll die because of such neglect i tried to work on my book tonight memoirs of the last six years of my life it all came out trite and i gave up yesterday i thought for sure i could get all the words down in twelve days or less but how long if at all i now think is anyone's guess is my story worth telling or worth shelling out ten bucks good luck i prayed this evening in an aisle at walmart told God to restore my heart and do great things through me that i can't think of teach me about love i'm dumb i should go to bed because then i could wake donna up and well she'd sleep better on a bed than sofa my stomach hurts i write like this because i read rosie o'donnell's blog my butt hurts from the chair but i don't dare move not yet i scratch my head and glance at this screen if i sleep will it be deep will i dream or will i wake up every hour on the hour that scares me and maybe that makes me a coward my eyes burn will i ever learn the last episode of raymond was right on i always expect too much like i'd want a series finale to solve my life it can't, simple as that life goes on obladioblada remember the song two of the beatles are dead one assassinated one surge in the head the ceiling fan sings can i front a band or would i be better at stand-up i should get up but i'll feel my body ache a little longer i almost think i need help getting out of the chair because of how my back hurts at this hour but she's sleeping so peacefully i was trying to write my book and seeing how not interesting it was if i tell my wife this she'll tell me it's because i'm a perfectionist and overly critical of myself obviously she doesn't know what she's talking about she moves and i wish she'd say something suggest we move to where we can rest in peace my mind, however, will not leave me be a commercial for JAG comes on glad to see that show off television piece of crap i have a headache i need to take some medicine i wouldn't know where that is we got our interior lights working our tailgate and new plates on i call these victories i want to move in my new house and be my own man a good man for my new wife and finally to the ease of their minds we'll sleep on a bed in proper frame as opposed to on the ground hallelujah hear the angels sing why do people worry themselves sick over every little thing it kills me every ache and pain i've complained about before aches more and all at once like angry customers in a dry liquor store i hate writing crap because JAG is cancelled leaving me no employment opportunity my neck cricks i make myself sick i give up who needs this forget it
posted by Chase at 12:16 AM
5/11/2005
Wasted Boy
play it cool like you're not out of work even though they always expect the worst at least since you skipped that report the time that you slid by with a "d" remember how you told your friends how none of them had compassion all they had was what they saw and all they saw was all your flaws they would testify to how this is all your fault this mess you're in that since you were children you fell short of every assignment and missed the mark so far as refinement and never paid your boy scout dues any idiot could have collected the clues and closed the case by now you've lost you're job what else is new that's as certain a situation as the sky is blue we can't defend such defenseless there's a point after which no one can and no longer can we stand for this there's a few things i've been meaning to tell you a few points i've been needing to make every bridge you burn makes you guilty of arson even if it's for old times sake you are an absolute dillusion a matter of confusion but the facts are clear you've disappointed everyone here to the point that no expectations exist you're potential for disaster is limitless and it's hopeless
posted by Chase at 3:30 PM
4/19/2005
Game Called on Account of Fear
you fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat you fall in when she begins your way and your out just like that as soon as she turns another direction you withdraw your affection lie and say you never loved her and if you ever loved her you'll never love her again as often as you quit you'll never win one can't be both loser and lover you're like a self-defeatist who's gone undercover as a great romantic with his heart on his sleeve you can never win in love if you refuse to believe it is better to have loved and lost but all you've done is lose you're like an apple that begs not to be eaten then complains about a bruise we can talk about this but i wonder what's the use if you're intent to die alone no one will die with you love is painful, love is hell but love is rain fall and wedding bells it truly is something wonderful but if you only quest for perfection then you'll never know all the joy between first and last kiss it's not just to feel beautiful it is to exist that is if you feel as strongly as you say and forfeit without any delay then you've aborted yourself and called the game on account of your fear of pain but i tell you this if you avoid what hurts you'll miss out on what's worth all the pain in the world yes you'll survive but what good is life if you never feel a thing at all
posted by Chase at 12:00 PM
4/06/2005
i was dwindling away on a nice windy day the calendar said april but it felt more like may and i knew that tomorrow would exist and i knew all the sorrow would remiss at least on such a day as this a nice windy day in the middle of the country a hundred miles away and i could smell the beach the saltwater taste was on my tongue i felt myself submerge i fell in love and i don't have to pretend if i just wait on the wind if i just wait it will begin and it will carry me yes, it will send me floating to the sea it's hard as dark as it gets to believe in love but i believe in it and sometimes it's hard to see the sun but i know that it is lit in the darkest part of night if i just close my eyes i will be surprised how quickly the sunrise comes to rescue me if i just close my eyes i will be suprised how quickly the breeze wakes me from the bad dreams and floats me home on such a day as this
posted by Chase at 3:13 PM
3/25/2005
Fix it or Forget it
from 12/27/2004
i never feel sick til i go to the doctor i never feel pagan til i head into church i never feel dirty til i step in the shower feeling bad never done nobody any good so i try to stay away from where i feel the shame if you hurt my feelings i'll forget your name i'll take a different road home from work to avoid where it hurts i tell you i will do whatever it takes i just want to be comfortable i don't want to know if you're miserable i just want to feel level i don't care so much if i really am if there's a cure for cancer tell me and i'll take it but don't tell me if there's nothing to be done if i can't help but be a sinner i mean if that really is my nature then why slap me on the wrist and send me on as far as hygiene goes i know that soap takes care of bacterial woes but maybe there are days when i just want to skip a step maybe i can live with that maybe i can't help but handle it as for questions without answers i no longer desire to pontificate at this rate i'm not getting anything but older all i ask is for someone to level with me maybe i don't have a clean bill of health maybe i'm not such a good guy but tell me i can get well even if that means lying
posted by Chase at 11:00 AM
Juxtaposition
from 12/26/2004
rhyming is a lie poets tell themselves like when people say situations may resolve naturally given time like protestors protesting war claiming the world could turn without occassional friction or like warriors who think war can save us like when parents tell their children all is well in a hunky dory bedtime story i didn't mean to rhyme but i did and sense it happened so naturally i enjoyed it ick i did it again like a good poet i'll throw up because we can't just fall for the smooth rhyme that would be too easy love has to be more difficult than that expression requires congress to act on that note i think i'll shoot myself time doesn't heal and we all can't get along we'll always be offkey and out-of-sync when we try to join in song further proof that i know what i'm talking about on paper it's much easier i confess than where the rubber meets the potholed road nonetheless if poetry were chemistry it would not be easy and we'd blow stuff up we'd become crumbs to be swallowed by the birds that is if poetry were for the mechanics of words but it's not somewhere in the blood veins of people's minds has been injected the longing to find the perfect rhyme we'll search so desperately for it the anticipations builds but still that's no reason to lie
posted by Chase at 10:55 AM
12/25/2004
But a pauper of the snow...
from 12/25/2004
got in this morning after a long night's drive
the sun always shines and it burns in my eyes
i'm too cold to feel the shaking anymore
singing a song another guy own's the copyright to
adding my own words to make it new
the cd itself is labelled rock on the shelf
but we all know he sings the blues
who's to say who can sing
and who can carry a tune
the voices i hear tell me no one in this room
"are you awake?" i often wonder
as i lay restless counting commercials
and i ask myself between ads
will the earth shatter like a pane of glass
if i get up for a drink of water
it's hard to say but most likely not
would it matter if it did
wouldn't you just put it back together
as though it were not effected
such a long drawn train of thought
a ticket for which i've never bought
but on which i catch a ride everyday
i'll crack open a beverage
and then the front door
step into the great bleached white twilight
of a city blanketed over in snow
suddenly i can see why everyone is asleep but me
those blankets are quite comfortable
the perfect place to find peace and dream
my eyes are too tired to burn
i'm too cold to feel the shaking anymore
but not too old to learn from my mistakes
i make my bed just as i lose my sight
i freeze solid and relinquish the fight
as the frostbite sets in
my heart thaws and i'm alive again
i hear the song, my late night lullaby
coming through the window
and i contentedly die
to the day
posted by Chase at 11:09 PM
To Be A Falling Star
from 11/21/2004
a fine line is drawn
my thoughts are scattered across the lawn
i've got to cut my losses
and get gone
i can see myself in future tense
in the trunk of someone's car
today i should live
like the falling star
that i am
burn bright, all night
this one might be your last
one day in the middle of a sentence
i'll be taken from this
i'll forget what i was going to say
but nevermind i'll be on my way
i can see myself in future tense
leaving the wreckage of a train
as bright as i may burn
death is only a refrain
burn bright, all night
this one might be your last
there's an equation i'm familiar with
all men are mortal
and certainly every woman is
i've made preparations
even picked out a box
tell me, do you know
if i need to carry socks
i can see myself in future tense
at rest as you discuss the events
which transpired
and left me extinguished
burn bright, all night
this one might be your last
a night is coming
which will draw your curtains closed
but with morning darkness goes
and all things are made new
we've received an invitation
i can see myself there
will i see you
join us in tomorrow
when He'll wipe away our sorrow
once and for all
then neither tears nor darkness
will fall again
burn bright, all night
this doesn't have to be the end
posted by Chase at 10:57 PM
Drink Memory Gone
from 11/8/2004
A sip
A shot
A glass
A pint
Another
A bottle
A barrell
A brewery where we can play.
I can't remember
what I was going to say
Clarity is leaving me
Fuzzy slippers
names, dates and where's my keys
I must be drunk
to write such a slunk
about the dangers of sipping too much.
who would do such a thing?
I think I had wings
and birds fried deep
but that was then
and drunk is now
so won't you let me go to sleep
I keep it locked away
just in case my alcoholic neighbors
want to have dinner with me someday
I'd hate to miss a chance to share
If it ain't one step it's another
if I'm anonymous
you're my brother
If you can smell it on me
I can pour it on you
and I can drink just as much
as I can pour into a shoe
I can quit anytime I like
but there's really no reason tonight
and I know my rights
besides one never knows
when a party guest will spike
the punch
afterall, it goes great with lunch
the only time that I will stop
is when Jack Daniels
calls the cops
and wouldn't that be hypocritical
his name's on the bottle
that got me into this
that much I can remember
but as for the rest...
I don't know
I have to go
Oh no, it's too late
posted by Chase at 10:57 PM
10/27/2004
Never Say I Gave You Nothing
from 10/27/2004
we were fast friends
from the first day of the truce
we made a pacto
ver chips and applejuice
we shook hands
and signed the treaty
there would be peace at any cost
even if that meant me
a good friend stays out of your way
doesn't he
a good friend doesn't object
when it's time for you to leave
he throws no punches
he shows no fury
and when your out of sight
he can't think to worry
i had a good friend
when i was a boy
he and his dad moved to maine
i had a good friend
when i was a boy
he and his dad took a plane
i've never been on one
i've never left the ground
i wouldn't go out to say goodbye
til we discovered their bodies
had been found
mangled by the mountainside
my mother said
this was a fact of life
so i never took a plane ride
because planes crash
we were fast friends
from the day i saw the news
i made that pact
as he was gathered by the crews
i shook my head
and i plead guilty
could i find peace with all i'd lost
even being left with me
a good friend got out of my way
didn't he
the poor friend didn't object
when it was time for him to leave
you threw no punches
you showed no fury
and now that you're out of sight
i can't help but worry
what kind of friend am i
do i only show up
to say goodbye
posted by Chase at 10:43 PM
Don't Read Over My Shoulder
from 10/25/2004
When I write
I consider who might read
I don't care if you like it
but I might concede
to the fact that you'd raise hell
if I said what I was really thinking
you don't know
where I publish
or the things I've told friends
but suppose you grew a brain
and googled for hints
you'd get results by searching my name
It wouldn't be fair
to use any of this against me
in argument
that's like going in without a warrant
but you don't play by the rules
and yet you blame me
for making bad deals
Anyone else in the world
it would be okay
but as for you
I'd rather you just go away
stop reading as I write this
it's none of your business
get lost.
posted by Chase at 10:36 PM
A hatred of faces.
from 10/25/2004
I hate facing the future
I hate facing my fears
I hate facing people
who've caused me trouble
over the years
I hate the faces of strangers
or friends I don't understand
I hate the faces of faceless monsters
that terrorize because they can
because even the faceless
can be looked in the eye
there's no avoiding the hatred
they send to you by signals
I hate facing the dismaldarkness of another day
that holds the possibility
of you looking my way
and winking with your evil eye
that chance alone is enough
to make me cry
and once I cry such tears
that accumulate from these fears
there's no drying my eyes
or proceeding into the years
and this is why I hate you the most
because you bloody me up
and then blame the ghosts
you'd like me to believe
that I am possessed
but the truth of it is you are obsessed
with this power
and you won't let it go
you call down the thunder
and strike up the rain
the drops pour on me
drenching me in hate
I'm eaten away by all I despise
I say you control me
you put the fear in my eyes
I hate you for paralyzing my steps
I can't walk forward
for fear of the depths
I should thank you for caution
and for everything else
I should love you, my father
even if I can't love myself.
posted by Chase at 10:31 PM
O, To Be a Minesweeper!
from 10/8/2004
i sweep the mines
even when my life is on the line
but life is like minesweeper in this respect
there once was a time
i had never swept a single mine
but then the day came that this changed
even then i didn't love the game
because i didn't completely understand it
it blew my mind
yet dumber people got it
i was left aware of my increasing ignorance
then picked up the game again
on a whim out of boredom
and finally it started to click
as i pointed the mouse
and keyed enter
life is like this revelation
but the a-ha moments are much farther between
and the wait can get obscene
even now liking minesweeper
it can get quite redundant
as i find myself acting as a zombie might
hanging my head
needling the dread through loop after loop
the occassional victories
are just thrilling enough to keep me going
but i only really get excited
when i break the high score
and there's always a higher level
i sweep the mines
even when my life is on the line
it's hard to imagine
anyone else hanging in the balance
that is, no one dies
when i hit a live mine.
posted by Chase at 10:26 PM
yellow and blue make green
from 10/8/2004
i'm in a ziploc freezer bag
confined and cold
but safe from freezer burn
that is how i am advertised
perhaps it is true
i have been defined
and i don't know
if the definition fits
it's a thing i can't get over
others redefine themselves with spackle
i want renewal to be more than that
as for creativity
i've been creatively calf-tied
i think i did this and forgot
i'm a strange rodeo cowboy like that
this isn't really a poem
but there i go again
being defined
yee-haw.
posted by Chase at 10:24 PM
rut
from 10/7/2004
the computer lab is closing
i feel as if i am imposing
but then i had something to say
nevermind
forget it, i forgot it anyway.
call me.
posted by Chase at 10:21 PM
10/27/2004
Once Upon The Future
from 9/21/2004
morning shivers move me with delight down the road with fright i can't tell if this is cool enough i can't tell if we're in school or not and you pressure me for answers i don't have i'm responding to the letter that i saw once in the paper she had green eyes and a yellow tapered dress to match i was too afraid to ask at that point in my youth but now as i've grown older i see this is a moment of truth i could hunker down as a coward and hide out in the shower i could find the basement and wait out the storm i could tell myself i need no one i could get a cellular phone i could i would but i won't morning shivers move me with delight i see your reflection in the toaster late at night and i have to wonder if your still dead i have to wonder why you lost your head and if it's ever growing back again tell me o wise one will i ever have children or will i even find a girl to put up with me the future's not a mystery she's just standing there and i can't see i'll carry on like a good wayward son i'll even put an ad on the television i'll try to catch what you've been sneezing i'll try to write what you've been reading but i don't want to make a promise i can't keep i never promised to answer every question you think of in your sleep i could i would but i won't
posted by Chase at 2:59 PM
Three Poems from One Bum for the Price of Five Minutes
from 9/20/2004
A Shepherd in Nassau Valley
stuck here can't complain dear i know you mean well when you say how are things in hell but i can't help but to break a sweat i remiss about the lists i've made the ways i've paid to get my road paved the time has come the piper will be paid if not my head then for sure my bed because i'll never rest again i got to be brave i'll never rest easy i got to be quick on my feet if i get your toes i can't say it enough i'm sorry for today and all the past i can't make my day off last can't i just be with you can't i just be yours and need nothing else to do why must something always occupy my time why must salesman always occupy the lines they disconnect the call when you try to reach me at home i always wanted to roam but i've never wanted to go out alone, at least not since you came and brought smiles out of the blue why must i complain i even like the rain and that's good for a change but what we have is just not enough and i have to sell my soul simply to pay it off i want our days to be spent in the same room in the comfort of your arms not apart in a slaves tomb i can't stand to say see you later or catch up with you in a few hours i'll huff and i'll puff and then i'll head into work because at this date and time i got no other option. i don't know how to explain why it is i complain and why perhaps i can't be content yet still i want you to know the depths that missing you goes for me it goes to the low and returns to the peak a single shift moves like a week and to prove that here's something unique my beard grows in six hours what usually takes 7 days if only i could raise up prize eggplants at that kind of pace then i could stay here tend animals and give myself a raise. and that's the kind of thing i could go for. you know, that or counting the grains on the long beach shore. i'm sure there's good wages in that and your mom would be proud when i could afford a raft on which to ride back to the mainland you know, where it occurs to me the whole thing was a work of fiction where i can promptly get in gear to ease the friction that i have caused with my boss and in-laws as i contemplated oxygen addiction. i don't know how to make sense of my ignorance just know that i miss you and am held in suspense like a three-year old waiting with anxiety to go home from the nursery. i just need somebody to sit with me.
Hurricane Party
i came at eight just as i was. i may go now just as i am. i've never been so far in the path as i find myself today but the hurricane is on its way. taking a look at statistical data i believe that my chances are good. that is, to make it through. but we shouldn't spit at death. i just thought i'd take this opportunity to evaluate what living means and the life i've lead this far. for the most part i feel alright but i know what i would change. it's not just that it's easier to say in the-calm-before-the-storm afternoon part of the day. then again i should consider most of the change would only be recognizable past tense. right now i'm just sitting on the back of the couch waiting in suspense. it could be my life or my landlord's. i summon how much damage i could afford and how i could capitalize on carefully placed trees. i've thought about riding this out on the front lawn in a plastic chair. i mean, i've never sat out there for any length of time. this is as good a day as any but is it to be mine?
Greed Like Icebergs
a record store is the one place where it's cool to be a whore. the shady LP salesman hopes we can both make out as bandits, but to him music is a chore. the capital gain is what pumps blood through his veins but he'll make the same claims of fanship. he'll cite off bands as though the components are friends when all he wants is to sell you a ticket. i just wish he'd keep his grubby hands off the records because for every one he touch a career and a movement goes up as simply long since passed hope for glory. so long as there are those who abuse the splendor you'll have to forgive me if i act better than vendors who trade off something pure for something green.
posted by Chase at 2:55 PM
The Flop
7/22/2004
hair down to my shoulders
can't get anywhere looking like that
can't afford a haircut
can't see to cut it myself
i guess i'm just down on my luck
the lady wouldn't talk to me
when i asked her to come up
everytime i tell that story
people think they knowwhat i'm driving at
but all i wanted was some tips for blackjack
if i could just win the big one
i could get myself over and out
but as it stands
i lose every hand
i guess luck is dumb to bid on
i guess this long lost son
needs to go home
and stop eating forbidden slop
i wonder if the dude that runs the place
would let me push a mop
cause after i went out
and had a big time
i became a big, big flop
now all i need is a miracle
called "making ends meet"
when i trapsed off to conquer all
i never thought
i'd end up in the street
but i have, here i am
what's a boy to do
i'd go out to apply for jobs
except i don't have any shoes
and we all know
you can't get through the door barefoot
it's becoming easierto ask for help
and even easier to admit i've failed
but much, much harder
to stand on my own two legs
much less walk home on them
posted by Chase at 2:49 PM
Cannot Establish Connection
from 7/21/2004
searching the internet for inspiration
so far no good
staring into a cold monitor
watching my breathe puff like smoke
you ever watch a home video
and see a friend or foe staring you down
it's a fascinating phenomena
going eyeball to eyeball through a glass wall
one time i had this friend
he wanted to be a cameraman
he'd look at me through a lens
and ask me to circumspect
i was never sure
what he was getting at
so i just cracked a smile,
laughed and talked about politics
as i was saying
i was here tonight i had logged online
trying to find something to inspire
all i found was an article about a california fire
and it only made me colder.
posted by Chase at 2:44 PM
the points don't matter
from 7/21/2004
i've never felt so unaccepted
and i went through ninth grade
my dad told me to punch those guys
mislead, i believed
turning my cheek was a better way
still unsure of my opinion
i hold it in
and i'm much more coward
than i am brave
if i said what i was thinking
you'd fall into your long awaited grave
have you got your tombstone picked out
ms. doc holliday
you like to say "all life is dying"
isn't it about time you lived up to this claim
ma'am i've been minding my p's and q's
while you pretend to have forgotten my name
but when asked"what's wrong with this picture?"
you know exactly who i am
and credit me with the shame
don't forget i am a human being
not just a token in a boardgame
to winyou have been ruthless
and gone against the accepted rules of play
but what will you losein winning?
posted by Chase at 2:40 PM
from 7/20/2004
you don't believe in aliens
how come
how can you not
they're all over the place
straight from outer space
call me a theorist
or a co-conspirator
but close encounters have never been closer
there was a nuclear fallout
the papers never told
cause even they didn't know
they talked about election
they talked about choice
missing that the mushroom cloud
had robbed us of our voice
no one even noticed
we voted all the same
even though the candidate had two different names
i talk to them and ask myself
how could i be the only one who gets this
why have i been gifted like cassandra with this curse
to see our signals mixing as the dee-jay drives our hurse
i can see your unborn children
and already i don't like them
they march like martians in perfect lines
a hundred miles back a thousand lifetimes ahead
and they're already dead
but you can't even see
that in unidentified lifts
life is death and that casual sex is assisted suicide
you'll take a free ride anywhere
you don't even ask where you are going
and that's the state of all great nations this apocalyptic morning
buzz off.
posted by Chase at 2:24 PM
from 6/19/2004
i don't like when people refer to love as mood
if that were so
i'd fall out of lovewith the changing of my attitude
and if the heart of love changes like the weather
is there ever any point in saying you're together
if a lover is only a fairweather friend
then it cannot be claimed
that this love is made to withstand
until the end
you could say the end is when its over
but what good would that do
there lies in that no promise or hope
that i won't wake up in another mood
if we were left to our own advances
there surely would be no lifelong romances
based upon faithfulness
for the human heart is anything but
if we are to ever know anything about real love
we must ask of God to open wide our eyes
so that we may see beyond the cynicism
and sentiment of the occassions
so that we may see beyond the lies
and the abrasions that we've known thus far
only then can we love with a whole heart
only then can we truly love at all
only then can it rightfully be called love
until then all genders of men
will strive for this splendor
scaling mountains and asking hot dog vendors
and they will document their quests
in prayer, late night conversation and in song
simply because some have unopened eyes
doesn't mark their strivings in vain or as wrong
God implants these concepts of love
deep within our hearts and consciousnesses
and this is how we dream
of what we've never firsthand known
before we were, God was and it is He
who has shown our hearts the hints of all that can be
and that is what it is to love and how people can be free
so please don't refer to love as mood
even if you've yet to see
because if love is based solely on attitude
then our hope could never be.
posted by Chase at 2:17 PM
from 5/25/2004
at dusk i get depressed
as the sun goes down
i go blue
is this about seratonin
or the dingy of my shoes
i can't clean
and i can't cook
i'd save your life
if you wrote a book
who are we to name judges
who are we to appoint bestsellers
its criminal the way we read our minds
and hide our truths from one another
like kitchen gadgets
in a drawer or cabinet
like men in swim trunks ashamed of our bodies
posted by Chase at 2:15 PM
from 5/25/2004
tomorrow is a metaphor
for better luck next time
your trying to talk to me
i'm trying to eat
i can't get through three bites
for all the words i must speak
your questions have been answered before
but you weren't listening then
just like you aren't hearing me now
you pose complex questions
and then expect i beckon to your every skepticism
you don't need reason with such a great smile
if i point out the obvious
the falsehood of your flawlessness
i am trying simply to be different
that is i prefer to be at odds
if you care for the answers then shut your mouth
no one was asking you nothing no how
i wasn't asking questions
if i were maybe you would have heard, "are you stupid?"
every single day people prove themselves dumb
its easy to be yourself when your soul has gone numb
i say i've lost my apetite
you look at me as if i have no right
no right to be disgusted
with perfection personified
so-called gospel truth is nothing short of daddy lied
your a cork in the water
hoping for a fish
cause if you don't catch a whopper
you will formally complain regarding your wish
you aren't the worst person i've ever met
but give me a break
you're so sure you were in the boat
everyone i know says your in the lake
my final question is
what do you amount to
are you someone who always answers a question with a question?
posted by Chase at 2:07 PM
1/04/2004
Madman
from 1/4/2004
If Jesus had a good mind
he wouldn't find no time for me
If Jesus had a good mind
he surely wouldn't come over
to watch tv
(at least not with me.)
If Jesus had a good mind
tell me why would he die
for someone who ain't no good
who only loves a lie
should it be any surprise to me?
Jesus was crazy, Love is lunacy
I don't know what it is to lose one's mind
I'm just a straight shooter
You should ask the God-man Christ.
posted by Chase at 11:22 PM
You put the 'n' in my Rock'n'Roll.
from 12/21/2003
for what
for you
forever, for true
for love
for real
fortune I feel
is in your eyes
behind those lush lashes
hide stashes
of bliss
and a certain joy
that is to exist
I've asked why I was living
and now I think I know
plant me down
wherever it is you go
pluck me up before you leave
all growing things need sunlight
I just need you here to breathe
and I will be alright
at ease
fit to please
and ready to rock 'n' roll.
posted by Chase at 11:21 PM
welcoming the winter solstice
from 12/7/2003
I’m fading into the sun
this is my oblivion
there’s less and less
of me to go around
cause I’m sinking
in this undertow town
I’m wading into the sea
this is it
I’m history
and more and more
I lose, I’ve found
what goes up
will surely come down
the dumber they are
the longer they fall
I’m one with the winter
spring birds don’t call
some are always to lose
summer’s waiting for you
but not me
it’s not as easy to be
as easy to be free
as it looks
baby I wrote the books
give it time
and your best lines
will fail you
I don’t mean to rob mines
but I got to tell you the truth
winter colors
are all the same
they bleed together
at the close of this day
this night will be the rest of my life
I’m only a boy
you can tell no difference
between my freezing appendages
and my choice
I’m only a boy
lost in the dead winter’s air
I’m losing my life
you can’t help but stare
you wonder
how winter could be
so tragic for me
don’t hang around to see
I’m fading into the sun
this is my oblivion.
posted by Chase at 11:20 PM
from 11/7/2003
when i'm not wearing glasses
it's all about the hair
when i'm not wearing hair
it's probably i don't care
but i pray i never lose it
i pray i never lose control
holding everything but my soul
so close, closer than skin
i am a castle and nobody gets in
one day your gonna find me in crumbs
when i am wearing glasses
i probably have no lenses
and even if my vision's perfect
what about the other senses
i think i've lost them all
and to think i thought that i was tall
if you see me looking down
remind me that i'm on the ground
and here i will remain
unless i become nurse for your pain
i don't ever want to leave
i never want to leave you
but i think i'm almost gone
we can only go so far
before we're going it alone
i've kept myself a stranger
but now i want to call you home
i've tied myself down
because i've been afraid to go
these knots are binding me
and i never learned to sew
i know that i can't stay forever
but while i'm here can we walk together
i don't wanna walk alone
mastering the universe
is not as easy as it looks
evetyone who's his own man
is nothing but a crook
please forgive me
for stealing your love just to sell
a life lived like this
is the beginning of hell
posted by Chase at 11:18 PM
A Man with Perfect Abs
from 11/3/2003
he speaks in absolutes
he knows no myths
only universal truths
if you speak in gray
he considers it abuse
of the revelations
presented to you
fact doesn't swing in flux
relativity applies only to
things like pick-up trucks
precious metals that can be
bent, broken or crushed
I know this but doubt
that he stands at the crux
of all data and debate
if you've got questions
he'll never relate
if you need answers
lest ye speculate
just ask of him nicely
and he'll set you straight
posted by Chase at 11:16 PM
While I was Sleeping
from 10/29/2003
I just woke from a ten year sleep
clutching for a blanket
and somebody to explain this to me
I've never had a beard in my life
now eyeing the mirror I see a disguise
I've never had a girlfriend or wife
but I've got a picture of her
and our family of four
on a table over here by my side
they could've just said that I died
they could've made new friends
who'd understand the lie
but they didn't, they stayed
and I can't figure out why
I know more about items in this room
than those who spent a decade
wishing I'd get well soon
in the picture it appears that I love them
and I think it's clear they love me
the children call me papa
and the woman says, "beh-be"
I don't remember being Spanish
but I suppose that I must be
I spent ten years dreaming technicolor
now I have no real life memories
it's as though I'm a newborn
ecstatic to finally be free
it might seem all I'd know is a dark room
but their love is all that I see
posted by Chase at 11:14 PM
"Goodnight Elliot"
from 10/24/2003
your girl has kissed you goodnight
your folks left a message again
your world's a messy haze of light
and it won't stop spinning
you've got the motion sickness
in misery, oh mercy be
let an angel breathe into me
some words of inspiration
I pray you've been set free
you're the kind I couldn't reach out to
but if I could would I have broken through
you sang your songs for me
may an angel lift you up to see
the light that peeked in at you
no more misery, oh let mercy be
goodnight elliot
there is nothing I can do
not a thing that I can say
you've said goodnight
but I got to go on about my day
goodnight elliot, goodnight
this just isn't right.
posted by Chase at 11:13 PM
Christmas Song
from 10/14/2003
I'll spend Christmas alone
writing you songs
It's not a big deal
I'll get through it, I will
I promise I'll come out alive
but give or take a couple days
I have you three sixty-five
and If I get my Christmas wish
I'll have you for life.
posted by Chase at 11:11 PM
from 10/7/2003
power professed and dressed in red
like the blood of the dead
and the eyes of the dying
life or death,
whichever inhabits the man
can be seen
through the screens of his eyes
posted by Chase at 11:10 PM
from 10/7/2003
crystal seas carry her dreams
she's whisked away to an oyster beach
is that out of your reach?
if you believe in the pearls
and in saving the world
you must also believe in ugliness
salt, grain after grain
collecting perfection
perfecting pain
crystal seas wash her away
to the sunbeam dreams
of dreary days.
posted by Chase at 11:08 PM
11/15/2003
superheroes and sell-outs
from 9/17/2003
hey mom and pop
your favorite show is on the box
i'll hit the tube
cause the picture's not too clear
i'll don the foil hat
just to watch the atmosphere
i'll be your antennae
hey little brother
just a word of advice
don't buy into anyone
especially if they're nice
when it comes down to it
everyone's a jerk
the mean ones are just honest
about their joy in your hurt
i'll be your antennae
but even i get my signals mixed
in the end everybody sells out
when it comes down to it
it's what they're all about
and they'll tell you
'oh, we're just buying in'
apparently,
allegiance doesn't pay
the same kind of dividends
i'll be your antennae
but then i'll foil all your plans
and i'll probably have your heart for lunch
soon as i get the chance
posted by Chase at 2:03 PM
from 9/16/2003
making the move
from the bed to the coffin
shouldn't be that hard
we live most of our lives
longing for shut-eye
what difference is it to depart
we say life is precious
but only long for the bedsheets
to deliver us from the day-to-day
we're just passing the time
til we can say goodnight
looking no one in the face
making the move
from the bed to the coffin
couldn't be too hard
i've put a lot of thought into this
i think we're only afraid of the kiss
cause the sting of death
looks just like a bed to me.
posted by Chase at 2:02 PM
t.v. show
from 9/14/2003
i hope my life
i hope my death
i hope myself
that i will amount to more than good television
i want to be
more than an hour on A&E
my life's summation
in the words of an interviewee
i want to be
more than a black shirt memory
the kind of tragedy
where people feel more for me
once i'm dead and buried
i don't want no acclaim
and it won't hurt my feelings
when you've forgotten my name
i can't say if you hate me
that i'll give you any blame
you don't have to like me
or even send your love
just don't make more of me
once i'm below or above
if you've got something to say
i suggest you say it now
just in case
i don't make it back around
we're all too quiet
when it comes to what we think
when eternity expands
it seems our significance does shrink
me and death go way back
from grandfathers i never met
to the man in black
it seems as though
i've been dying all my life
i hope it all adds up to more than strife
i hope my life
i hope my death
i hope myself
that i'll amount to more than good television.
posted by Chase at 2:01 PM
from 9/14/2003
three a.m.
and jim is my only friend.
it's indeed getting late
my only friend's not awake
sometimes i shake
my younger brother from sleep
when he speaks to himself
or the ghouls of the deep.
three a.m.
and jim's victim of the trend
that is,
driving off the deep end
before learning to swim.
it's a shame that he drowned
i suppose that he found
the lies that i kept
and those parts of myself
i'd never tell.
three a.m.
and jim's memory suspends.
that is,
i'm becoming james again.
one day we wish upon tomorrow
the next we're living in the past.
one day we're being left
and the next we've been surpassed.
our lives leave us so fast.
my brother worries about me
but what can he do
he looks at me from the top of the sea
but there's just no use.
posted by Chase at 2:01 PM
glimpses
from 9/12/2003
i step into my dark bedroom
i unclothe myself
take off the day and my perfume
cause in my dreams
no one remains unimpressed
in the deep sleep
there's just no need
to be knee deep and half dressed
the skin tight cliches
of another life down the drain
could be shed
if the trite would refrain
at night the world
is black enough
so we can see the screen
in the sheerest technicolor
we commence to dream
the darkness is
clearly, just so we can see
so we can say
goodnight to a world
that is all it'll ever be
sleep tight and dream
of the vast regions of heaven
near and far
which wink at us
through the twitching stars
twitterpatted cosmos.
posted by Chase at 1:59 PM
from 9/10/2003
i'd like to be an alcoholic
the kinda guy who dismisses all his blues
the kinda sap who never worries
no suit and tie, no shiny shoes
i'd like to be an alcoholic
so's not to care what people think
no endangered reputation
no workin' man blues, just another drink
i'd like to be an alcoholic
so i don't hurt nobody else
it seems i can only do damage
and that i can't even love myself
posted by Chase at 1:58 PM
Standing on Stone Tablets
from 9/1/2003
Labor Day beckons me to break a sweat
over reading I haven't done yet.
Hunger beckons me to go out for groceries.
Wal-Mart may be open, but the pharmacy is closed.
I'm glad someone's taking a stand over more
than the shallowness of the color of our clothes.
It's what the fabrics made of
and how easily it fades out,
not the current popular shade of brown.
Goodness goes against the grain.
That's why it's so hard for Clorox to remove the stains.
I realize I got off on a tangent of half-rhyming metaphors.
It's just I see everyone taking stands,
but I'm not sure what they stand for.
Most times, they serve little more than to make our legs tired.
The Red Badge of Courage will not be acquired
if we wear ourselves out fighting the wrong fires.
posted by Chase at 1:57 PM
Long Distance Plan
from 6/12/2003
distance embraced
I'll hold your hand by phone
Jesus, I'm sorry
sometimes I'd rather be alone
I admit in metaphor
I would not get by on my own
but I run away
with all the pride and ambition
of a murderer waving red hands
as he flees from prison
when stupid and selfish
are one in the same
I let you be scapegoat
and praise my own name
and in my mind you reside
as just another getaway ride
shame on me.
posted by Chase at 1:55 PM
9/24/2003
Easter Bunnies Can’t Lay Eggs.
from 4/20/2003
I say no to drive-by holiday greetings
I say no to distant well wishing
and to quarantined faith
I say no to bows and ribbons
if the gift is just for giving
the moment a little glory
I say no to filling easter baskets
when empty lay his casket
if we can’t bubble overjoyed in that
I say no to christmas pageants
if we know not what his death meant
or think it was a mistake
I say yes to making friends of strangers
I say yes to all the risks and dangers
associated with love.
inspired by Jeff.
posted by Chase at 9:43 AM
of basenji and bassett hounds
from 4/18/2003
brown eyed dog barks my sleep to conclude
sometimes a pistol seems the easiest thing to use
but I've never liked to bury a dog
couldn't someone walk him away?
dog barks long enough
everyone goes about their day
my heart goes out to the strays
but I need my sleep.
I've always wondered
where have I gone?
is this my home now?
if not, where shall I roam?
I realize I have also strayed
I'm worse than just a runaway
at my earliest convenience
I assist those who need it
but its never that convenient.
couldn't someone walk me home?
if you get in my way
I may push you down
my time is too precious
I won't wait around
my heart is of ice
but that isn't so rare
the grinch wasn't the only one
who really didn't care
we are always on the run
unsure what we run from
we run from ourselves
we cry out for help
won't someone walk us home?
posted by Chase at 9:41 AM
Dreamers don't have eyelids
from 3/28/2003
I want time to slow down...
just for a few days.
I want this weekend to take a year.
I don't mind talking in slow motion.
I just would like a second to catch my breath.
Is that allowed?
I don't want the time to waste it.
I don't want the time to sleep in.
I want to do something great.
For once,
I'd like to tell my dreams when to end.
The thing about dreams...
is that they never allow you to close your eyes.
I don't want a second to pause and wonder.
I want to wonder as I continue to stroll along.
I want to get out of this chair,
well, if this is all I can write.
Who can say redundant?
I can.
I do it all the time.
This is no sense of emotion.
I'm not capturing sensation.
I want to see a rare flower bloom,
even if that last only five seconds.
Those seconds will last years.
Now that I've caught my breath
I think I'll retire for the night
I hope this message
makes sense to me in the morning
I hope it isn't unintelligible jibberish.
posted by Chase at 9:38 AM
Liar King
from 3/17/2003
liar king
arrogance rings true
deep inside of you
liar king
I don't like your attitude
why don't you get out of the room?
I'm turning out your light
shut up
prince of darkness
I see you want to fight.
pack your lies
and your things
load into your non-existant car
and drive as far as you can
liar king
now is time for boy to become man
leave your lies and your toys behind
and grow up
I'll give you a hand.
posted by Chase at 9:35 AM
...a cop is a cop is a cop...
from 3/4/2003
I'm just a cop out waiting to happen.
I am horrible excuses.
I am a reasonable human being dilluted
to free blood and I won't donate.
you're just a cop out and about
waiting to catch me red handed
for your own guilty pleasure
to prove my guilt
beyond your ability to measure
crime and punishment
are understandable
but we're still playing good cop/bad cop
I never have understood
your innocence fable
but who's counting anyway?
posted by Chase at 9:34 AM
Astrology Lesson
from 3/3/2003
So the dark, it passed. I stopped for gas and got chips and a drink while inside. I reflected upon my life in the corner concave glass. Soon after I became a passenger again as always. Back in the car I gazed upon stars that had fallen from my sight night before. I wax astrology. I do so miserably. Who am I pretending to be? Am I a fraud? Am I playing God? I can't even drive. Sometimes the road is clear. Sometimes, but not often and my sight is still near. Sometimes I know who I am. Fleeting moments, I tell you. Sometimes I know I'm just trying to bum a ride. As I said I can't even drive. I try to remember the point I had. Sometimes I dare rely on billboards for direction. God will speak in the smallest things, but silence doesn't disprove my ignorance. The fool is still revealed. We are homeless hearts and heartless homes. I may see gray, but I'm not dismayed enough to see nothing.
posted by Chase at 9:33 AM
The Darkness
from 3/2/2003
Darkness drives toward me as in a car I ride. Lights flicker and glimmer in the distant view. The world once weighed so heavily. The world once was the death of me. I died everytime it got dark, and the day was my funeral. I died in cars. I died from fear of death. I died from certain uncertainty. The darkness drives toward me. The intensity increases like a game of chicken. Who will turn away? Not I. I proceed full throttle. I love every minute of this for now I know life. I exists more believably. The darkness is not passing shadows of fear. No longer am I afraid of the dark. The intensity increases like the droning of a funeral dirge. I love every minute more profoundly than the last. Never again will I be afraid of the dark. Never again will I dream of light shed. The darkness may pass, but I'll wait til it comes back. I'll wait. Confident. Relaxed. The darkness has nothing on me. The darker it gets outside the surer I am that there is life. It brings me to a falling staircase. It leads me down a flight of stairs. It leads me to situations hopeless but with complete security that I'll land safely there.
posted by Chase at 9:31 AM
Hell, or Something Like It
from 2/24/2003
name and number
message at the tone
drop a line if you find time
a postcard would do fine
x's and o's
the way that it goes
drifting merrily
merrily
merrily
down the deep dark river death.
broken souls drown
again
again
splinter in my skin
see yourself yesterday
catch an eye full of that
see yourself yesterday
reminisce on regret
drifting merrily
merrily
merrily
down the deep dark river death.
bloody water floating
be sure to wave
as the waves take you under again
there's no learning to swim
or to fly.
but you stop to say "hi"
bearing a smile,
and an uncanny resemblance
of my long dead uncle.
posted by Chase at 9:30 AM
Midweek Lullaby
from 2/11/2003
out of bed sleepy head
you got a long day ahead of you
pull the shade, face the day
you got to get a jump on things
you were born a year late and 10,000 dollars short
and your debt just doubles with every credit report
now is the time for catching up
but you never will
you want to get on top of things
but your at the bottom of the hill
remove that pillow from your eyes
as the sun you too should rise
get up and out
retirement's an eternity away
posted by Chase at 9:29 AM
Writer's Block
from 1/27/2003
I emptied the ocean where I once swam day and night
I splashed and splashed until the ocean was dry
So, like a good surfer boy I began the walk to shore
and I searched for waves, but there were no more
Now there was desert where once had been sea
I only had mirages of fading memories
Each time that I found the slightest pool of water
it absorbed into the sand as the sun grew hotter
Then it seemed that the soil and even my brain
were completely dehydrated, in dire need of rain
And so as time passed it became very clear
that I should be happy with one drop, should it appear
posted by Chase at 9:26 AM
Aluminum Man
from 12/8/2002
if you only knew
the consequence of your waste
you'd be filled with vomit
or at least the taste
you build me up buttercup
and make wrath of grapes
but who am I to judge you
I'm just a garbageman slave
posted by Chase at 9:22 AM
12/26/2002
The Coliseum
from 12/23/'02
I will resist the urge to tell you the words that have come so naturally
You are lovely and through you I know more what love is and should be
My back breaks and its all I could take if your heart were not in my chest
Crowds in Coliseums share with us their opinions on how or if we should dance
People in parachute pants tell us the future is digitally enhanced
and I wonder if somehow they are wrong, maybe they have been all along
Maybe the news printed from rumor mills is nothing more than lies
maybe the people in situation comedies will go on to successful lives
but if you ask me I think the third world war will take most of the sets
One hot summer day a light year away we’ll recall our frivolous fear of the dark
I never knew that it was dark, never even noticed until he pointed out the stars
but maybe I spent these years denying the gut feeling that left me hungry for hope
Crowds in Coliseums applaud the gladiator’s consumption by flame jumping beasts
He who laughs last laughs hardest and the greatest will be made the least
I’ve never asked for this freedom, no really, I mean it you can have it back
People in parachute pants have many opinions and I’m not sure how they fit in them
Out-of-work actors get caught up with the “wrong crowd” and break every injustice limb
everyone does everything "in the name of love", but selfishness is hatred
I will resist the urge to tell you those words that always come naturally
but don’t expect me not to live like it, though you don’t hear it verbally
I can bite my tongue all day long, but truth can't be subdued by teeth
posted by Chase at 3:02 AM
Did I Miss My Exit?
from 12/13/'02
don't pat me on the back
I've been cut too much slack
don't pat me on the back
it ain't that easy to feel better
but I feel better
knowing its not that easy
just to feel good
solid feelings are hard to come by
some say,
feel good you smile
feel bad you cry
oh, the logic of our lives
don't pat me on the back
I've taken a twenty-one year nap
I stubbed my toe
while walking in my sleep
I only cried
cause it hurt me
but now I'm awake
I'm nowhere
It took me this long
to learn how to care
it took me a lifetime
to make it there
I should have asked for directions.
please forgive me for my wasted days
please forgive me for my wasted days
please don't pat me on the back
it's like a slap in the face.
posted by Chase at 3:00 AM
same ol' song
from 12/4/'02
I'm afraid I'm still the same
I'm afraid I haven't changed
I'm afraid that years from now
I'll still be this way
I'm afraid I'm a toy
whose batteries are dead
I'm afraid my visions
are neurons in my head.
posted by Chase at 2:58 AM
The Well
from 11/18/'02
climb down into the well
and wait for the water
the world outside is hell
just wait for the father
to send his floods down this drain
to raise you above
such fruitless pain
posted by Chase at 2:56 AM
Love
from 11/18/'02
love moves boulders off the chest
until itself is firmly pressed
with the same weight and stress
leaving a beautiful impression
and a fossil of a thing that won't die
posted by Chase at 2:55 AM
Coward Eye
from 11/13/'02
Be prepared to see the change of hands
shake your feet and lose the dirt from your cleats
this is me we're looking through
this is the changing of shoes
you've got rhythm and blues
in the way you close your mouth
in the way that you get out
taking me with you and leaving me here
fear is darkness
washing over all that's clean
I'm on a mean streak
kicking dirt on the clean freak
with words so dismal
It promotes the dismissal of wisdom
and the admission of guilt
The lampshade is raised
to a sunshine day
the blinds are blades
but we cut through such shame
pierce my coward eye
with this blinding light
that comes in from outside
together we fall
cause all in all
you walk the beat
and I play in the street
hoping you'll arrest me.
posted by Chase at 2:53 AM
I Hate When People Talk During The Movie
from 11/9/'02
still.
life is being stirred
silence
the baby hasn't heard
don't move a muscle
and don't say a word
stay out of trouble
move along with the herd
I said silence
don't sweep your dust under my rug
your silent treatment
is better than love
shh...
hold your breathe
and count on it
wish real hard
and chew the bit
shh...
not a word
you can have my shirt
just keep what you heard
posted by Chase at 2:52 AM
Historical Society of Two
from 11/8/'02
we've got a history
the clock has ticked
the ground's been slicked
we can't walk two steps in a row
have we gone as far as we can go?
are our steps in circles?
is this a carousel?
have I only been fooled to think I'm seeing the world?
I can't tell me from you
is that because everything's blurred?
you can't just hang up the phone
we've been on too long
I won't disconnect this call
that's the operator's job
but if you should hang up on me
I'll have no choice but believe
it is all history.
posted by Chase at 2:51 AM
Daffodils
from 10/22/'02
she found her face in a daffodil
breathing in springtime and wind chimes
and afternoons in the sunlight
she found her face in a daffodil
she'd never found it there before
she felt her heart beat something real
she'd never known it was there before
she never used to like flowers
she used to make snide remarks
but now she's finding herself
exhaling the sparks
love's not mechanical
love is a bull
that runs toward the red flag
to save drowning fools
love is the living proof
she found herself happy for once
she'd never smiled so long and hard
used to her smiles felt forced
and her happy words,rehearsed
but now the dance is hers
she moves about like water
pure and full of grace
her movement is the measurement of this
new life of love
her movement ticks the clock
and turns her eyes above
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